Electric Six - Fibbers, York. Wednesday 30th November 2011 – Live Review

Electric Six - Fibbers, York. Wednesday 30th November 2011 – Live Review
Supported by Swound!

And so it would be, almost a year to the day, I would be back in York to see, in my opinion, the world’s best band live in my home town. Of course, things have changed in that I no longer live in York and got a lift over with a friend to see them before returning back to my new abode in Bradford and that the band have returned to the club after a few years upstairs in the Duchess, a fact not overlooked by the band who made reference to it in their set. But, no matter what my residency status, it was going to be a good night seeing the band.

But it did start off weirdly.

Having landed in York, enjoying a mix-CD of E6 rarities, live tracks and remixes in the car to whet our appetites, we decided to grab a quick bite to eat as there was forty minutes until the doors opened. Settling for Pizza Hut, a quick check on Facebook found that the doors were due to open at 7:30, not 8pm as on the tickets, but by this point we’d already been accosted by the overtly smiley server and so we had to stay for the duration, which wasn’t, as it turned out, a problem as the support didn’t come on until around 8:45pm.

It would seem that, as my friend noted, Pizza Hut were trialling the new unhappy hour. Never has there been such a succession of gloomy, miserable, downright suicidal selection of festive Christmas songs assaulting the ears of the half-dozen people in the restaurant. It was the last day of November and, though not into the month when Christmas songs should start being played, I would have been happy with some bouncy festive tunes ala Slade, Shakin’ Stevens or Bo Selecta. Yes. Bo Selecta.

Instead what we got was a selection of songs guaranteed to knock the festive spirit out of you and would make eating a plate of sprouts in front of the Queen’s speech with a bottle of your gran’s “best” snowball liqueur appealing.

Though the pizza was tasty – but, alas expensive – we couldn’t wait to get out of the place, though our exit was delayed by the assistant thrusting a mock envelope into my hand advising if we bring it back to a meal at any Pizza Hut in early January unopened, we will win the prize that’s held within it. ‘Brilliant,’ I thought, I might just do that, but now we can go. But then he pointed us over to the till receipt where we could get a special pizza offer if we visited a website.

OK. That’s great. But he wasn’t finished. He advised us that the restaurant was in the running for the best one in York or something and pointed over to a poster. It was like being assaulted by the most ardent telemarketer who, when you’ve told them you’re not interested in buying insurance, will continue throwing products and services as you until you pick one.

With that we made our excuses and left. I made a half-hearted glance at the poster to at least show some interest at nominating them as the best restaurant. Though they probably are – the food was tasty, the serving quick and the service friendly (perhaps too friendly) – they certainly lose points for comatosing their customers with their gloomy Christmas records and delaying them from seeing their bands by thrusting pieces of paper into their eager mitts and asking them to visit more websites than a virus-laiden browser.

Having escaped the restaurant and full of pizza we crossed the road to Fibbers, which was, unsurprisingly, pretty much the same as it was when we had seen the Lancashire Hotpots two weeks earlier. There were about the same number of people in the venue with flat caps on as well, weirdly, but not us this time. Thankfully I didn’t have to go to the toilet to experience the woodchip cubicles, but I imagine they’re probably the same.

Grabbing a drink, observing someone wearing a Kaiser Chiefs t-shirt to the same gig I went to recently at Kirkstall Abbey, and spending twenty of the Queen’s best notes on a new t-shirt, badges and bottle opener, it was a short wait for the support act to come on, a group in the form of Nottigham’s ‘Swound!’, a four-piece band made entirely of brothers, not that you’d particularly tell from looking at them.

Their entry onto stage couldn’t be more different to how they would come across for the rest of the set. The lead singer walked up to the mic, cocked his head back and demonstrated a spit fountain of the drink he was gargling and the left guitarist jumped up at the ceiling in an angry display of youthful energy. The fact that the band turned out to be quite plummy with a lead singer that looked like a cross between the lead singer of Weezer and one of the Proclaimers gone solo, with stage banter that thrust swear words in left, right and centre that sounded as out of place as if your staid auntie came round to your grandmother’s for tea and said “please pass the shitting scones you motherfucker”, was a contrast.

That all said for an attempt at comedy, the band were actually very, very good, so much so I dashed back to the merchandise counter at the end of their set to pick up their album ‘Into the Sea’. I don’t think I’ve ever done that for a support band I’ve seen first time. And I once saw the Ting Tings supporting Reverend and the Makers.

Swound! opener ‘Your Kids Are Gonna Love It’ both demonstrated the quality of the Fibbers sound system, thanks to their re-furbishment, with lyrics and guitar all clearly audible, something is often surprisingly lacking in similar venues, as well as the sheer catchiness and appeal of the hit, with a chorus that was immediately memorable on first listen.

After that track the banter from the lead singer, aside from the seemingly forced swearing, was friendly and appealing, and second track ‘Big Trouble’ was as good as the first both in memorability and music ability, their sound being around pop-indie with hints of the Kaiser Chiefs and Green Day.

Third track ‘In My Head’ and fourth ‘Tokyo’ all buzzed by happily and I was really enjoying their support. The band’s crowd interaction in doing call-outs and singing along during the ending of one track really worked and, aside from the odd heckle, the crowd were happy to oblige the requests of the support band.

Fifth song ‘Mean People Suck’ and its lyrics emphasised the young age of the young band and was maybe a little less-well-written on first hearing, but we’ll see when I listen to the album, but it was no less musically accomplished with great harmonies, break-downs and solos.

Also, the support should be noted as the first one I’ve ever seen that have given out a chocolate biscuit as a prize to the crowd.

One more track brought their thirty-five minute set to its conclusion and overall I was very impressed by their on-stage antics, their pop / indie / geek-rock, and overall their catchy, memorable songs, that benefited from a clear sound system that allowed the crowd to appreciate the words to songs they’ve probably never heard before. There was still also enough time for the guitarist to randomly dash off stage and to the bar - I suppose when you have to have a drink, you have to have a drink – allowing the other guitarist and drummer to do a solo each, both very good.

Now it was a short wait until the main act. After what was possibly the weirdest opening CD track ever – sounding like a cross between Bjork and whale song (I can’t attest to the accuracy of that comparison, but it was weird) the band, minus Dick, came on for the one minute intro into their new album track ‘French Bacon’, which sounded just as good live as on the record. Dick was on soon for a powerful version of the song that got the crowd immediately into it.

His banter for the first few songs, as in previous tours, was limited with little more than announcing the chronological numbers of the trackd, but it allowed for them to rocket through several hits to get the crowd going, including ‘After Hours’ and ‘Down At McDonnelzzz’, both excellently played if a little slower than their album recordings thus losing a little of their impact, but the moshers were already out and the crowd happily filled in the gaps of the latter track with the expected ‘Go!’s.

‘Naked Pictures (Of Your Mother)’ was next up and was a welcome return, but it was the following track, the first to benefit from Dick’s funny, tongue-in-cheek chats, that was the first big pleaser for me. ‘Pink Flamingos’, a track I’d not heard live up to this point, lost a little in translation from the album version but was merely adapted, with the live version keeping the swagger of the country-and-western song but with more focus on the guitars. It was a joy to listen to.

This was followed by live favourite ‘The Future Is In The Future’, with its established ‘My Drummer’ middle-eight, where Dick talks about the band’s drummer before going off onto a random story, this time about demonic women rising up from the bowels of hell to be waiting for him in Fibbers’ back room, that lost none of its appeal being brought back out, and allowed the band’s musicianship to be shown off.

The crowd, naturally, kicked off again with the next song – famous single ‘Danger! High Voltage’ – complete with the added ‘Touch It’ lyrics at the end before it was followed up by one of my favourites, and a delight to hear, ‘Dance Pattern’, even if the crowd didn’t react quite as well to it in the shadow of one of their most famous hits. But it was well done and, though Dick seemed to struggle to keep up with the lyric pace at time, it was great to hear.

‘Hello! I See You’ from the new album was next and, again, didn’t get a massive cheer but it is a newer song, but as a fan of this track it was great to hear and it translated well from the album. Unfortunately I wasn’t as keen on their version of ‘Infected Girls’ which, though nice to be brought back from the archives, didn’t seem as good as the album version and the music wasn’t as appealing and, at times, unrecognisable compared to the recorded version.

But, after a funny ramble about the band being sent to Spain to research into flamenco dancers for the US Government we got the fantastic ‘Clusterfuck’, which got the crowd singing’, and “their best song” as he said ‘Jam It In The Hole’, a double-hit from ‘Zodiac’ that were great to hear.

Naturally the crowd went mad for ‘Gay Bar’ which followed which, to my delight, included a partial return for the guitar solo in the middle where the silence usually is, and it was paired up with ‘Gay Bar Part Two’, but it was ‘Gridlock!’ from the new album that really stood out surprisingly in the set, being up there with ‘French Bacon’ as stand-outs from the new album when done live. I like the track on the album but loved it live, the energy of the title really bouncing round the room.

The main set was brought to a close by my personal favourite ‘Dance Epidemic’ and ‘I Buy The Drugs’, both receiving good responses, before the band disappeared off stage. Sadly there were no calls for ‘We Want Dick’, instead just choruses of ‘encore’, but the band came back on nonetheless to give us ‘Rip It’, a track from the vaults that was, as always, great live, and their version of the Detroit Spinner’s classic ‘The Rubberband Man’ which was great from Dick’s side but which really showed up the lack of volume in the microphones of guitarists The Colonel and Johnny Na$hional, which had been far too quiet all night and especially noticeable on this with more prominent dual vocals, a fact that was a let-down in comparison to the venue’s great sound in the support. I have noticed this before, though, in other venues, that the backing mics for the band are never loud enough.

The gig came to its conclusion with a rowsing performance of ‘Dance Commander’, complete with flashing red light trails switched on in the venue ceiling - before the band vanished off stage for good this time and my friend and I could disappear to chat about the gig and head back to Bradford.

Overall, Electric Six were on top form again, the tracks all performed well, the crowd responsive and Dick’s vocals strong. It would be churlish of me to bemoan any song choices as, eight albums down the line it would be impossible to fit everything in you’d want to hear, but the inclusion of ‘Infected Girls’ over something like ‘Pulling the Plug On The Party’ or ‘Body Shot’ is questionable, but from looking at daily set-lists they do change some of these tracks so it’s just the luck of the draw. We did get ‘Dance Pattern’ and ‘Dance Epidemic’ after all. One fact, though, is that there seems to be very little love for ‘KILL’, with no tracks from this album appearing.

In fact the main problems with the night – minor ones at that – didn’t come from the band but from the heat in the venue and the annoying twat – I don’t use the word lightly – that decided to bring a plastic horn into the venue and decided to blow it at every opportunity. I don’t think I was the only one wanting to shove it up somewhere so far that even some rock and roll wouldn’t be able to evacuate it from him. Sorry. Bad song reference there.

It was another fantastic set from the band, aided by a great support band, and there was much to enjoy from the choice of tracks, their delivery and Dick’s on-stage banter.

Here’s looking forward to his acoustic tour in May and hopefully another full tour come next November.

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Single Reviews: 28th November 2011

Emeli Sande ft Naughty Boy - Daddy

Having appeared on singles by Chipmunk, Wiley and Professor Green Emili Sande continues to forge out her own solo career, seemingly filling the void left by Amy Winehouse earlier this year. Unfortunately, compared to these guest appearances and her distinctive debut single ‘Heaven’ this doesn’t quite have the same appeal or hook. Sure, the swelling 007-esque backing is there and her voice is as great as always, but it misses the powerful chorus and bridge of her previous hit, whilst sounding a little too much like it. A pleasant enough track but not a good follow-up to her debut. Plus, where does Naughty Boy fit into it? 5/10



The Wombats - 1996

Churning out their sixth single from a ten-song album might seem as a little bit of a cash-in, and to a certain degree it is, but it’s still a track worth releasing as a single thanks to its memorable chorus and interesting lyrics that stick firmly in your head, even if at times it does seem the lyrics don’t quite fit into the music behind it. Away from the music I’m surprised they’re still releasing videos for the songs, with this one being better than their previous one with much more interesting things going on. Clearly they got a good deal from their label!

Frankly, if you enjoy this I’d pick up the album because buying six singles from ‘The Modern Glitch’ is pointless – just buy the full thing! 7/10



X Factor Finalists 2011 - Wishing On A Star

Expanded from this year’s Marks and Spencer’s Christmas advert – free publicity anyone? – this is yet another cover of the 1978 hit, most recently covered beautifully by Seal only earlier this year. So, is it worth downloading this if you have a previous version? Frankly, no. It doesn’t add much to the established formula and sounds so much like the Seal version, for instance, you might as well grab that one and enjoy one singer tackling the whole thing, rather than this bitty version. Actually, musically it’s a great version of the track but it conforms to the old adage of too many cooks. And just for good measure they throw JLS and One Direction in for the most pointless cameo ever. Good, but we’ve heard it all before. 6/10

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REVIEW: Milton Jones: Lion Whisperer (Saturday 26th November)

St. George’s Hall, Bradford. Support: James Acaster

Going to see Milton Jones live would be a little bit of a punt for me. Most of the comedians I’ve seen on stage live and been happy to shell out twenty quid for have been comedians I’ve seen a lot on the telly or have got a DVD of, such as the excellent Tim Vine. Though I’d only seen a few appearances of Londoner Milton Jones on shows such as ‘Mock The Week’ I was pretty confident he had my sort of humour, specialising in the one-liners that the aforementioned Tim Vine has specialised in with the sort of pun-trading, surreal-scenario setting, loud-out-loud humour that I most enjoy. And I wasn’t to be disappointed.

It also didn’t do any harm that the gig was happening with a ten minute walk from my front door so off on Saturday night to St. George’s Hall I went, for a pleasant view of the stage from up on the grand tier, even if the seats weren’t exactly built for the build of a 21st Century male who hasn’t been to the gym in a few months, with immovable arm rests hemming you into the seats and so little leg room I would have preferred to wrap my calves around the gentleman in front of me and forgo the norms of society, than to be squeezed into the seat.

But, the minor issues of the seats wasn’t enough to put me off what was an enjoyable, and good value, night of comedy.

It was also one of the most unusual openings of a comedy show yet with two support acts.

The first opener was billed as Milton Jones’ granddad, walking onto the sparse stage with just a few par can lights and a projector screen, with a shopping trolley and a limp. It would be stating the obvious for me to mention who the act really was but it was a great twist on the opening of a gig, with twenty minutes of quick-fire puns and a great bit of schtick about starting the act again everytime a late-comer walked in that, maybe went on one-time too many, but had a great pay-off at the end and the joke used, with a reference to Bradford thrown in, was a classic.

With some use of props thrown in for good measure it was a great start to the show and, though only really a taster of what was to come, was a quality bit of comedy to whet the audience’s appetite, an audience that throughout the night flip-flopped between members of the audience who would happily shout out but not interact with Milton when he replied, or others that were just shouting off random bits at random moments, but to the comedians credit he dealt with them to great comic effect.

The real support was comedian James Acaster, a down-beat, self-effacing comedian whose considerable forty minute set-time seemed to start with jokes mostly about food but his subject matter was all great and his jokes very funny. Although his delivery was meant to be sombre it was well executed none-the-less, following on from Milton’s granddad routine, it didn’t have the energy needed to keep the night buzzing, so at about twenty-five minutes into the set it began to lose momentum and some interactions with the front row seemed to ignore the majority of the room and it lost its flow. However, James made up for it with a corking concluding visual demonstration on stage, using a willing participant who seemed to be more than happy to play along, filled with cracking visual jokes and witty lines. As the act took us up to the fifteen minute interval it wasn’t the most exciting of supports to get us in the mood, being quite laid back and slow in the delivery, but James Acaster was definitely one of the best support acts I’ve seen for his material and fitted Milton’s style well.

After the interval it was onto the main act and Milton’s set was as funny as I could hope for. Seventy minutes of perfectly delivered one-liners, his jokes were both surreal but very, very funny. He echoed back at times to both the support acts to milk jokes that you thought had run out of steam but were made funny once again, and his ten-minute skit on photo slides, with its surprise interlude, was the highlight of the night. As mentioned before Milton jostled well with the crowd who, though enjoying the night, weren’t that responsive to his banter and he also used trios of jokes, scattered throughout the show, to great effect, with the shampoo / shamrock / champagne triplet absolutely amazing.

With some nicely added in local place names scattered throughout his set, and a series of hilarious OHP slides and connected jokes delivered perfectly, the crowd was in hysterics for much of his set and, even though the punchline of the joke was obvious, others were much more surreal and others falsely leading you in the wrong direction.

Not many comedians could pull off a gig where the title just refers to a one-off joke near the start of his set, but although there was little narrative pulling the whole show together it stayed firmly on track and the huge range of jokes from everything from jokes on the United Nations to Dr Who to Wales, there was much to enjoy.

Milton threw in two quick encores with more fast-paced one-liners, bringing to the end of quality show of really funny jokes that mostly hit their marks, plus it was totally family friendly as well. It was just a shame the audience members that were so keen to shout up to be involved didn’t follow up their initial confidence.

Definitely one for a DVD purchase or a live gig if you can still get tickets for any!

9/10

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She Wore A... Black Armband

"Itsy Bitsy Bikini songwriter Lee Pockriss dies" so what better way to remember him than the below?

OK... I apologise...

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Super Mario 3D Land (3DS) Review #supermario3dland

It’s always been a truth that, as long as there has been cinema, there have been film executives with a love of a good pun. Not that I can blame them; I’m not completely shy about doing some punnage myself. Hence why there have been films such as ‘Cradle 2 The Grave’, emphasising it’s the second film. Connected to this it has always been difficult for film makers to steer away from the obvious marketing ploy of making the third film in a series in 3D so they can slap a ‘D’ on the end of the title and hope that the audience chuckle a little whilst consuming their expensive tub of popcorn and losing patience with the idiots three rows back texting their mates.

Clue: they don’t.

It’s obvious in films such as the classic (I use it in the sense of old, of course) Jaws 3D and the upcoming Men In Black 3D, plus countless examples that I can’t name because my brain appears to have blocked them out. Therefore it follows that the new Super Mario game for the 3DS, Super Mario 3D Land, is a 3D version of Super Mario Bros 3. from the end of the eighties.

The first Mario platformer for Nintendo’s new-ish and struggling glasses-free 3D bag of tricks handheld console should be the shot in the arm that the 3DS needs, coming two weeks before the second cup of revitalising coffee that will be Mario Kart 7. You cannot deny that the 3DS is a powerful piece of kit with impressive 3D, augmented reality, StreetPass, 3D photographs and loads of other bells and whistles, but it’s hardly been well endowed in the games department and has annoyed fans with price drops, sticking two fingers up to early adopters, even if they have been offered a sticking plaster of a solution in the name of twenty free retro games.

So it seems the fat plumber has arrived in time to cheer up Nintendo’s ailing spreadsheets in the run up to the Christmas period.

Super Mario 3D Land, the title of preference by dyslexics it would seem (surely Super Mario Land 3D, or does that bring back too many memories of the Game Boy?), is an unusual beast in that it plays like a 2D platformer in the spirit of the classic NES and SNES games but with a three-dimensional twist. Not, like in the case of Super Mario 64, Sunshine, Galaxy and Galaxy 2 in that you can roam wherever you want, but on a linear path like the original expanded into a 3D environment, like if the horsepower of the N64 was mated with the stallion that was Super Mario Bros. 3. Though you are restricted to one path, there is some freedom to move around so it doesn’t often feel like you are ‘on rails’.

It’s a full retro trip for longstanding Mario fans like myself. All the hallmarks of Mario 3 are there – arguably the highlight of the Mario platformers – along with other nods to other episodes, from the classic level end flagpole from the first platformer, to the countdown clock, to the retro powers including the Tanooki suit (here, for the most part, as a cut down raccoon power up but with the full suit), plus loads of classic baddies.

There’s a great video on YouTube I saw that matched up scenes from old Mario games to almost note-perfect replicas in 3D in this game, showing the attention to detail for older fans given by the development team.

But it’s not all old, as we sees two brand new power ups in the forms of Boomerang Mario and the Propeller Block, plus new enemies, and the general feeling that it’s ‘Super Mario Galaxy’ in platform form, with some challenges mirrored from that game.

At this point I’d normally discuss the plot of the game but that would be just a waste of ASCII as, as always, the scriptwriters have not been original. But, that just means more time to get on with the game. Here you are presented with eight worlds of five levels each, a mixture of grass levels, underground ones, a few water levels, castles, airships, ghost houses and other staples of the Mario level canon. Taking its cue from the Galaxy games most levels are presented as floating in the sky, leading this to be one of the most palm-sweating-inducing Mario games in a long time as you know that one mis-timed jump means death.

But thankfully the controls of the game are as tight as ever, with jumps and movement so fluid you cannot fault the system, helped by the impressive glasses-free 3D that really gives the game a sense of death. The 3D has always been impressive on the Nintendo system and though, for the most part, it’s unobtrusive, there are times when things come at the screen or you are falling down vertical levels, that it’s really quite awe-inspiring and actually adds an extra level of fear to falling down those heights. The levels that utilise slides are particularly note worthy and, with some bonuses only possible by using the 3D, you’d be a fool to play it without it even though, as I’d forgotten, it drains the juice out of the power-hungry and under-capacitated 3DS battery faster than a hungry man at a poorly-stocked fridge.

Though the basic premise of each level is the same – get from the start to the final flagpole whilst collecting coins, avoiding enemies and picking up power-ups along the way, and ensuring you hit the half-way marker to save your progress – each episode is unique with a different enemy, or obstacle, or theme that keeps it fresh, be it a rollercoaster through Bowser’s castle, blocks that appear and disappear with the beat of the music, or running across a bridge avoiding Cheep-Cheeps. There are also three star coins on each level to collect which allow you to unlock secret levels as you progress.

So is the game any good? Well it’s a resounding yes. Graphically the game is amazing, being as good as anything the Wii has pulled off. The 3D works marvellously – and is changeable from pop-out to depth depending on your preference – and adds peril to otherwise calm levels. There are graphical tweaks such as footprints in snow and sand, birds that shed feathers and much more. The controls couldn’t be more perfect. The music – a mixture of old and new songs – are just as catchy as they’ve always been, and the levels are inventive and the enemies intriguing, even if the humble Koopa Troopa gets very little screen time.

There is even a great throwback to Mario 3 with the screwed on scenery plus wooden cut-outs of baddies, which though random has a reason behind it which I won’t spoil here.

The most exciting about the game, though, is that the final boss is the first decent battle with Bowser in ages. Though the ending of ‘New Super Mario Bros Wii’ was a great battle and dramatic, it was one of many that were short, unimaginative and simple. This one beats that with more tension, false-ends and peril. Sure, it’s not massively difficult, but I consider myself a good player and it was exciting to play.

Difficulty wise the game is more of a challenge than other reviewers have said. It’s certainly not Super Mario Bros 3 or Super Mario Galaxy 2 difficult but it’s not a walk in the park. It’s just a shame that Nintendo keep liberally splashing coins and 1 Ups around so a ‘Game Over’ is never a likely outcome. They have thrown in two helps for less-able players with five deaths in a level allowing you to complete the level invincible; ten deaths sees the return of the P-Wing, now an immediate transport to the final flag.

There are a few bug-bears in the game, more down to personal preference. I still want the return of the Super Mario World-style overmap as that was great to explore, and the secret exits to levels were amazing; the star coins are, in the most, not that difficult to find; and the end world bosses are all very similar without the imagination of the Koopalings.

But these are just minor criticisms when you consider how much fun the game is to play. There are so many smile moments they’re difficult to count, from the ending of world 1-3, I think it was? – with its extreme retro throwback; the funny cut-scenes between worlds with images you can save to your SD card; and the impressive mix of graphics, challenge, 3D and music.

Plus there are very few games that would just have a random power-up, appearing in one of the last levels of the main game, in one third of one level. Most would milk it to its worth; here Nintendo allow you to enjoy it while it lasts, like it’s the 2011 Kuribo’s shoe.

And you’ll notice there that I said main game. Without spoiling too much, once you complete the first eight worlds – which took me eight hours to complete with all the star coins – you do get some extra, more challenging levels, a power-up wrong is righted, time attack challenges are made available, and some more surprises that I won’t spoil here – so although I’ve not done them all it’s not unreasonable that you’ll get fifteen hours out of this game with all the levels and star coins, and that’s not before you get to challenging your mates to beat your times. Which isn’t bad for what is a platformer and not an open-ended sandbox game.

With this game you can also throw in StreetPass assist, with friends you bump into on the street with the game giving you power-ups, even though it’s not an amazing feature.

Overall, Super Mario 3D Land is pretty much everything you’d want from a new Mario game. There’s plenty of challenge; a lot of retro love for the longstanding fan; a game that not only looks beautiful but plays beautiful, sounds beautiful and makes excellent use of the 3DS’ main selling point; and lots of content for a game you’ll be dipping in and out of for a while.

Until Mario Kart 7 comes out anyway.

But, most importantly, the game is just plain fun and it makes you smile, which is something a lot of games in 2011 just lack.

9.5/10

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Ho Ho Ho…w early? This year’s Christmas adverts – the verdict! Part One

Yes, I’m fully aware it is still only November but, if you watch commercial television, you can’t have failed to have noticed the glut of shops thrusting their 2011 Christmas adverts in your face. So which are cracking and which are turkeys? Let’s find out.

Marks and Spencer aka “It Hasn’t Got The X-Factor”



Now, I need some clarification with this. Is it advertising Britain’s premium food and clothing shop or is it a sixty-second love letter and free publicity to the X-Factor? Yes, the good old Marks and Sparks adverts have often featured celebrities but no one quite this, erm, current. I can’t deny their version of the Disney classic ‘When You Wish Upon A Star’ is good, if not a little bit scatter gun because of the range of the voices.

Already staying current has bitten them in the behind as Frankie, who has now left the X Factor because of snow of a different kind, it’s had to be edited from the version above.

With footage of the X Factor finalists mixed in with the necessary cross section of demographics unwrapping presents, I would say it doesn’t necessarily feel that Christmassy to me. Or maybe it’s because it’s still mid-November.

Not a bad advert but it doesn’t really have the X-Factor. [4 / 10]

Ann Summers, aka “Phwoar-ing but Boring”



Taking the form of another sort of talent competition, this advert will not surprise you. Consisting of everything you’d think would appear in an Ann Summers advert: slow motion cameras showing various aspects of their bodies, sexy underwear, provocative dancemoves, a rabbit (no, a real one, not *that* one) I wouldn’t say it’s particularly Christmassy. There’s no tinsel or trees to be seen, no snow sensually rubbed off flesh and no sign of any kissing under the mistletoe.

I’m not going to complain about two minutes and ten seconds of scantily clad amateur models appearing on my TV screen and, you know, if this was what Christmas is about I’m not going to moan either, but it’s not particular festive beyond the heavy use of the colour red. And the least said about the dance / techno backing music the better, unless Santa has invested in a pair of decks and Tracktor. [4/10]

John Lewis, aka “Nice Twist, Shame about the Morrissey”



To be honest, I could stop writing about this record after revealing its first achievement in that the cover of a Smiths song actually makes it sound good, even if it’s as depressing a song as you expect from a Morrissey penned ditty. Frankly, Santa would find himself on valium listening to this tune.

The advert sets up a simple story of a boy waiting around, not for something to actually happen in the video as I initially expected, but for Christmas so he can give a present to his parents, a neat twist on the expectation that he’s waiting for Christmas. The story is told well and the little twist is great and it’s the most Christmas-y of the adverts so far, capturing that excitement of Christmas Day you have as a kid.

Just pick a more cheerful song next time, John Lewis. Ellie Goulding’s murdering of the Elton John classic last year should have been enough for you! [6/10]

Littlewoods, aka “Anti-men, Illusion shattering Urban pantomime”



Santa is dead. That is according to this Littlewood’s advert. No longer is it a jolly fat man dressed in red who comes down your chimney, leaves you gifts and then sods off with his magical flying reindeer. No, it’s your mum. In her old slippers, with a mug of coffee in her hand and a sense of worry over the credit card bill rattling around in her head.

Laying thanks to Christmas at the door of mums everywhere instead of Santa – and, of course, fuelling the anti-feminists with the sentiment that, of course, no dads do the present shopping – it takes the form of a school pantomime where instead of celebrating the birth of Christ in a gorgeous nativity scene or perhaps recreating the three bears, the kids all grasp hold of the commercial side of Christmas with talk of X-Box consoles and watches. Oh, and let’s not forget to street it up with the token black child and the obligatory street hand gesture. Bo.

So within forty seconds we get sexism, casual racial stereotyping, and the shattering of the fantasy of Santa’s exciting. Great work Littlewoods. At least the song is catchy though, but mostly thanks to the amount of people in the audience whose names luckily rhyme. [3/10]

Boots, aka “Mission Charlie’s Angels Impossible”



With a cracking adaptation of the established Boots / Sugababes “Girls” theme to make it sound like it has come straight out of a James Bond film, this is possible the wittiest and most interesting advert so far this year, with lots of shots of the aforementioned girls planting presents around without being spotted before achieving a white Christmas through the use of a snow cannon and enough lights to cripple your electricity budget for the next ten millennia.

With enough movie pastiches to keep even the most ardent movie fan happy, it’s not very traditionally Christmas but at least it has snow and fairy lights. And a happy, up-tempo, tune. About fifty percent there on the festive stakes. [6.5/10]

I’ll be reviewing more adverts soon but at the moment none of the above come anywhere close to the ultimate festive classic…

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This Week's Single Releases

The Collective - Teardrop (Children In Need)

What do you get if the excellent Gary Barlow produces all the current crop of very talented urban artists on a Massive Attack cover? Possibly the most tedious charity record ever. Not so much rapping as speaking, the song is boring and lumbering and not even what I assume is the BBC Orchestra and a sung chorus can really lift it up, though Tulisa’s vocals are the only ones that can really be complimented, the rest sounding like they were phoned in.

It’s a shame I can’t say anything nicer as it’s for a good cause and the people involved coming together is incredible. However, it really is a dull track in comparison to such BBC highlights of similar collective tracks like 1997’s ‘Perfect Day’.

Give some money to charity and download the original. I expected more from such talent, especially from a combination of Gary Barlow and Labyrinth. Even a pre-born foetus can see that. [3 / 10]



Ed Sheeran - Lego House

Featuring in the abomination of the charity track is Ed Sheeran who is much more at home here actually singing. Though I didn’t like his previous track at all this is a much better track and a vast improvement. Featuring Harry Potter’s own Rupert Grint in the video, it’s a pleasurable laid-back ballad that is perfect to listen to as the nights turn cold, with lyrics that are worth listening to and a stripped back backing track that compliments them. [7 / 10]



Jessie J - Who You Are

As we reach the fifth single of her debut album it’s clear that her label is scraping the barrel for releases. Some artists can sustain such a number of singles but not in this case. It’s a perfectly nice ballad, built around a repeating and atmospheric acoustic guitar and drum track, and her voice is as powerful as ever, but whereas I imagine it slots nicely onto her album it doesn’t really deserve standing on its own like this. Great lyrics and nice ditty but not worthy of a single release. [5 / 10]



Snow Patrol - This Isn't Everything You Are

The second cut from the band’s upcoming sixth album doesn’t do anything to drift away from the Snow Patrol formula: a slow, building ballad. What is new is that lead singer Gary Lightbody, surely the coolest name of a singer ever, sounds like he’s been eating marbles with his strange pronunciation of ‘Don't keel over now’ and various other lines. Not understanding the words aside it’s as good a track as ‘Chasing Cars’ and any of their other “big” hits. It features a catchy bridge and chorus, choral backing and heartfelt lyrics, which is surely all you expect from the Patrol? It’s not going to win over any detractors but will definitely please the fans. [7 / 10]



Westlife- Lighthouse

Possibly the last single we’ll see from the uber-successful boyband, it’s taken from their new “Greatest Hits”, dropping “Volume 2” to prove that calling their first “Greatest Hits Volume 1” was, like the Backstreet Boys, slightly presumptuous.

Taking the form of a series of metaphors sung over a typical boy-band choral effect with a peeled-back piano, it’s very Westlife but also very good, if you like this sort of thing. Like the Snow Patrol track they’ve not taken any risks and it’s very much for the fans, the mums and the grans, but it’s a great listen and, though it won’t win any awards for originality or daring, it’s a thumbs up from me. [7.5 / 10]

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