It beats the women's football world cup and the Japan earthquake, which leads me to potentially crude joke of when it comes to balls and the earth moving, Beyonce and Jay-Z are the best.
For something a bit different today I'm going to reveal - in no particular order - my ten favourite albums of all time, ones that I can guarantee you will enjoy to listen to all the way through. Obviously, due to my age, most are from the last fifteen years, but I'm not going to apologise for that!
Marina and the Diamonds - The Family Jewels (2010) An album chock full of pop hits and catchy hooks. 'Hollywood' was the song of the year' 'I Am A Robot' a touching hit and 'Oh No!' fully singable. Looking forward to album two this year.
Electric Six - Senor Smoke (2005) It would be easy for me to put all of E6's album in the countdown but I'll just settle for this one. An album that flows for one track to another and contains some of their best material. A more varied album you'll find hard to find.
Darren Hayes - This Delicate Thing We've Made (2007) A beautiful concept album about family and time travel. It's two discs and there's hardly a duff track among it. If you enjoy albums with a story then grab this. The singles are brilliant but even better as part of the whole album.
Queen - Greatest Hits 2 (1991) I know in a way it's cheating to put a greatest hits album on but this is my favourite era of Queen. From absolute classics such as 'Radio Ga Ga' and 'Under Pressure' to the emotional 'Who Wants To Live Forever' it might not have all their big hits on it but it's certainly got a lot of them.
Robbie Williams - Reality Killed The Video Star (2009) Robbie has had some great albums but his most recent is probably the best, though it fights with 'Intensive Care' so you could substitute either. Some cracking ballads and more uptempo tracks and the production from Buggles frontman Trevor Horn really brings it to life.
The Automatic - Tear The Signs Down (2010) The first two albums from the Welsh group were great, sparking hits such as 'Recover', 'Monster' and 'Steve McQueen', but this third released last year is a better album as a package, but still threw out some cracking singles.
Sparks - Hello Young Lovers (2006) The album that re-introduced me to the band, lead single 'Dick Around' with its driving guitars and singable lyrics is all you need to know about it, but it's other tracks back it up to make a good mix of tunes.
Sophie Ellis-Bextor - Make a Scene (2011) The first full album properly heard by her, it could be seen as a concept album about love, sex and relationships and works well as a full piece. 'Bittersweet' is a storming track.
The Wombats Proudly Present: This Modern Glitch (2011) Again, an album from this year, but with five fantastic singles and other tracks that could equally be singles, you have to pick this one up.
...and be done with it - Pasta of Muppets (2011) OK... here's a bit of shameless self-promotion for my final entry. Go on you know you want to get a copy if we could release it!
I know it's a little late compared to the news of Steve Jobs leaving Apple as its main head honcho, but it's just now that I've had the chance to properly give this post the time it needs to make sense.
Steve Jobs has always been an integral part of the company but never more so in the last few years when he has over-seen huge innovation in the company, taking the concept of an .mp3 player and turning into the worldwide iPod phenomena, before adapting this concept into the iPhone and iPad.
Now it's impossible to say that his work hasn't been beneficial on the music industry. The iPod and, with it, the popularity of the .mp3 movement, has helped claw back sales from the decline of the CD and the rise of the internet fileshare, making music portable once more and much more easily consumable, encouraging competition to secure music on the go in everything from standalone players to mobile phone. In fact it's difficult to separate the rise of the .mp3 from the rise of the iPod.
But, there is also a darker side to this for the music industry. The partnership between the iPod and iTunes has led to an almost monopoly that is comparable to what Microsoft has been criticised for and legislated against in the past. I personally find the system of sync-ing with an iPod frustrating at times, much less favourable to the drag-and-drop approach of my 3DS for instance, which isn't even a dedicated music player and, frankly, a side feature.
Their insistence on their own format of music - at least now convertable after years of restriction - is equally frustrating, to the point that iTunes is a last resort to me for music, preferring services such as Amazon's download service.
Also, though the iPod is obviously an iconic brand, you continue to pay over the odds for the service compared to other music players, with Creative providing equally as good devices on a cheaper budget. I don't mind paying extra for design and ease of use, but the iPod just isn't there anymore.
The monopoly between the iPod and iTunes means that it's increasingly difficult for other providers to get a look in. The Internet is a medium that has allowed much better choice for music lovers through MySpace and Spotify plus, of course, other illegal channels but it does feel that iTunes is much more restrictive.
However, on the other hand, the service has allowed for more publicity for things such as podcasts and that has never been easier to do and, with the right marketing, can make publicity much easier for podcast owners.
So, as Steve Jobs moves on, Apple can certainly be embraced for bringing music to the masses both at home and on the go, but its success has also lead to a monopoly of the music market that is so quickly criticised in other companies.
Just as every dot and comma of the X-Factor is being played out on the music sites on the internet with every conflict, judge disagreement and hairstyle getting talked about in minute detail, so is the ongoing battle of Gallagher vs Gallagher following the split of Oasis an incredible two-years ago.
Now, amongst the legal battles of whether backstage fights really happened and stories of Noel partying with Gazza and a parrot – no, I’m not making this up - we get onto the actual music. Having already heard Liam’s attempt as part of the band ‘Beady Eye’ with a variety of singles that have not really hit into the mainstream, we now have Noels’ attempt with his lead single ‘The Death of You and Me’. Liam may have certainly had the head-start with his band, and certainly the biggest live impact, but it’s the High Flying Birds that are getting the radio play and, in my opinion, seemingly the better start with the music.
Out of the songs done by Oasis, it’s always been Noel’s tracks such as ‘Little By Little’ and culminating in what I think is their best composition ‘The Importance of Being Idle’ that have grabbed my attention, and this song is very much in the style of that song, with distinctive vocals from Noel, music that’s just as important as what the lyrics say and what they sound like, and a brass solo.
But the lyrics may also be about his relationship with his brother. After all, practically all singers release a debut song about their split from bands… think Robbie’s ‘Freedom’, the late Stephen Gately’s ‘New Beginnings’ and many others, so it’s interesting to look into any of the hidden contexts in the lyrics.
A cracking track from Noel that takes the template of ‘The Importance of Being Idle’ and gives it a polish for 2011. If you’ve enjoyed Oasis songs in the past then this isn’t a million miles away from them but an impressive debut solo hit from the singer-songwriter.
As we look ahead to September and schools returning, it’s time for a lesson on singles marketing. This track came to my attention after it was performed live on the hilarious Lee Mack’s All Star Cast – an underrated Saturday evening show on the BBC about a month ago that I would call to be re-commissioned if this was a television rather than music site – and immediately grabbed me from that first listen. It was then performed live on ‘Popstar to Operastar’, which I only saw on YouTube, where they questionably mixed the song with some operatic vocals. I still can’t decide whether that worked or not.
Since then there’s been very little publicity about the song. Music websites are still reporting it’s out on the 22nd August but there hasn’t been a promo video created for it. On radio they have chosen to play the equally excellent ‘A Hundred Sinners (Come and Get It’) instead of this. So what has happened to this record?
In a world with justice, where fantastic indie songs were popular and not a string of reality stars or samey RnB hits, ‘Leave Me Out Of It’ would be number one material. It truly is a beautiful ballad with touching lyrics about failed love, played as a call and response between The Feeling lead singer Dan Gillespie Sales and solo performer Sophie Ellis-Bextor, the wife of fellow Feeling bandmate bassist Richard Jones.
There’s actually very little to fault about the track itself. The lyrics are well put together and touching, and delivered beautifully by the pair. Mix in an ethereal, haunting backing tune with interesting synths, some snazzy production tricks with African-style calls and breathy backing vocals, plus some memorable piano and guitar riffs, and you get the full package of an indie love hit. Then, three minutes in, Sophie’s key-change hits you and you realise this is, indeed, one of the songs of the year, even before it gets to the well-thumbed, but certainly well put together, chorus of ‘na-na-na’s.
Unfortunately this spilling of love for this track is moot as it seems to have dropped off the radar. It’s now available to download from your favourite music store from the album but the marketers have missed a track with this song. Smacking of last year’s decision to release Mika’s excellent ‘We Are Young’ from the film Kick-Ass six weeks after the film came into the cinema, thus confining it into the dustbin of history, the lack of marketing now for the record six weeks after it was all over the television and internet, beggars belief.
It’s such a shame that, when it comes to the consciousness of the public, someone has decided to, er, leave it out of it. A beautiful track that I can’t recommend highly enough and consider this the biggest marketing push for the record in the last few weeks.
Now excuse me while I go and tweet the Feeling and Sophie Ellis-Bextor to find out what’s happened to this record…
Now, don't let it seem like I begrudge a charity record but there's always something cynical about the X-Factor charity tracks as if, like the show itself, is nothing more than a way to boost the shows viewership. It would also be worthwhile if, with all this talent onboard in the shape of some big names, they actually recorded a new track rather than cover something, in this case Massive Attack's 'Teardrop' track.
I suppose it's another inevitable number one but I hope at least one day for something original. But it should be quite a sight to see Gary Barlow teaming up with the urban superstars of today. Please say the b-side will be him joining in on Wiley's 'Take That'.
Bigger is not always better as the cliché goes and this fifth release from the band’s debut album certainly lives up to that, being one of several short songs on the album.
Coming in at a measly 1min 38s it joins tracks such as Blur’s ‘Song 2’, Electric Six’s ‘Gay Bar’ and, er, Jonny Trunk and Wisby’s ‘The Ladies Bras’, among others, as short single releases.
Oh, and don’t forget ‘Spider Pig’ from the Simpsons Movie, the shortest song ever to track, even if you may want to forget it.
But, size isn’t everything and those short songs have gone onto massive cult status around the times of their release and the omens are good for this song as it shares the similar fast paced nature of Blur and Electric Six’s songs with the occasional saucy lyric (“Smaller tits and skinny framework”) but coming in as a fifth single release brings with it its disadvantages. I.e., chances are only their fans will know it’s out.
A song about fashion model Amanda Nørgaard and the lead singer wanting to get a relationship with her – yeah right, in those horned-rimmed glasses in the video? – it actually fits in with its theme in that it’s lean, attractive, looks good and only on display for a short time as it struts down the musical catwalk. It’s also actually the first song of the band’s since ‘Post Break-Up Sex’ that has grabbed my attention.
Certainly it does have all the hallmarks of a summer radio hit with quick pace lyrics, simple but effective rhyming and a guitar and drumming combination that immediately sticks in your brain. Throw in an ‘ooh’ section and the drum-focussed stripped back verse section and it crams a lot of hooks and production tricks into its 90-second runtime, even if they have all become clichéd staples on the circuit.
So is it up there with ‘Song 2’ and ‘Gay Bar’? It possibly won’t get the exposure that they did but stands up as a quick, punchy, short stab of catchiness that, even if it doesn’t do much in the charts, will be on the crib list for radio DJs wanting a short track to fill a gap that other songs are just too big for. Ooh err.
In X-Factor news "The X Factor's return is marred by nudity and foul-mouthed abuse" is the headline from the Daily Mail, but it's a little bit of overkill for someone who bared their bottom a little bit and someone who used the word 'dog'. Imagine if the winning people had been immigrants; the Daily Mail would have had a field day.
In the day that it was revealed that Amy Winehouse didn't have any illegal drugs in her system when she died it was revealed that "Amy Winehouse foundation: Mitch Winehouse forced to return donations" though it doesn't seem to be that clear as it seems that only a URL has been registered not the actual name of the foundation. Not sure what's truly going on there but at least he's returning the money.
And finally: "V Festival review: Eminem saves the weekend". It sounds as if they got the line-up of the acts in the wrong order but, despite the negativity of the article, it actually sounded quite fun and good. As Eminem would say, I love they way they lie... or at least maybe don't quite get the bigger picture.
But with comments in return saying that it's not as bad as it seems you wonder if the band will be penning a song on their next album entitled "Publicity over-reaction to a band's throw-away comment".
"These sorts of comments can give a wholly unfair and inaccurate picture of Staines, so it's only right that they should be swiftly corrected," says a spokesman. So let me re-dress the balance with a better picture of the city.
We can't really seem to get away from Celebrity Big Brother or the X-Factor this weekend but there's nothing really exciting to report from a musical perspective.
As the year moves on we start to find more press releases and desperatre calls for publicity masquerading as music news stories.
A case in point? "Gary Barlow and Louis Walsh 'at war' after arguing over X Factor acts". Now war is an interesting use of words. To me war is two or more large countries disagreeing over political policies, leading to conflict, weapons and death. I don't find many countries have gone to war over whether people can sing or not. Neither do I expect Gary Barlow and Louis Walsh to be launching homing missiles at each other across the desk. Though that would be interesting to watch, especially as it will take out everyone else and all the untalented individuals wandering onto stage.
The best line is "Gary is incandescent after Louis appeared to pass acts who cant sing even accusing him of undermining the shows integrity."
The show has integrity? That's news to me. I thought it was a shameless cash-in to make a certain record company lots of money by exploiting artists who can't be arsed to do the usual route of becoming a musician - years of struggle.
Then again, Take That is a manufactured band, though I do want to go on record and say I do like them as a band.
And with the case of 'Oasis vs Oasis' rolling on here is the next chapter title: "Noel Gallagher: My night on the booze with Paul Gascoigne and his parrot."
You couldn't make it up.
He does mention that a swimming pool was involved. He did say Gazza and not Barrymore?
But these two stories show that any publicity is good publicity.
But on a similar note, what do you think about "Miles Kane - Inhaler". I heard it recently and think it's not a million miles away from this. What do you think?
You're hardly going to relax with an album by Black Sabbath blasting away in your lug holes? And surely the latest releases by Justin Bieber will just make your iller?
"Jedward: We Lead Sex-Free Lives" reveals this article, showing that the Something-About-Mary look-a-likes don't engage in any, you know, something strange in their neighbourhood, or get under pressure, or lipstick, or any other euphamism I can think of for sex that is from one of their songs.
There are a few other things that stand out (ooh, er) in the article including the line "Even though we're from Ireland, sex between us is a taboo.". I wasn't aware that Ireland was particularly known for its sex? Maybe the phrase was mistranslated and meant to be 'kissing the bonking stone'.
The article also reveals the twenty worst acts ever. Though there are definites - N-Dubz, Jemini and Justin Bieber - and some borderlines - Ke$ha and Geri Halliwell - but Britney Spears and Billy Ray Cyrus, come on? And really Lindsay Lohan isn't known for her singing so why she's in there I don't know...
And on a slightly different note "Louis Walsh names his cat 'Tulisa'" apparantely after her catty comments on the show and no other reason - insert your own joke here. Unfortunately for the N-Dubz singer, it turns out the cat is probably male. Again, I'll leave it to your own jokes.
That story was brought to you by the inevitable X Factor publicity machine.
It may be an observation that’s entered popular culture, but that doesn’t make it any less true: it’s easy to tell a ‘Status Quo’ single. As obvious as a tabloid newspaper scoop being down to hacking or that a London teenager didn’t get their new 40-inch plasma screen through hard graft, singles by ‘Status Quo’ always follow the same pattern, as if they go into a recording studio and take down the music equivalent of a knitting pattern and press a few buttons on the computer.
But, even if their records share a common theme, it doesn’t necessarily make them bad. In fact, ‘Two Way Traffic’, the third cut from their recent ‘Quid Pro Quo’ album, is up there with their best, even though, yes, it does sound in the same style as their rest, though maybe not as much as their last single ‘rock ‘n’ roll ‘n’ you’ did, with more focus on a choral effect from the instruments.
Built around their usual guitar sound, it’s another obvious album opener with a powerful start and a fast paced nature to the whole track, rocking away and providing both well-written verses and chorus.
Production-wise, the guitar solo and vocal effect two-thirds in add lots to the track, as do the variations in the guitar as it reaches a close. If it wasn’t for the fact they look as they do now, this could easily fit in with the classics of the ‘In The Army Now’ / ‘Rocking All Over The World’ era.
Yes, they may be old, but that doesn’t mean this isn’t a great slice of rock that stands out in their lengthy career and provides as catchy a chorus as you’re going to get from the younger acts releasing material this year.
In my earlier review for Cher Lloyd’s now number-one track ‘Swagger Jagger’, I gave the evidence that between that song and this that the Rolling Stones frontman is making money through his name-checking in songs, possibly inspired by the insistence of hip-hop stars in starting their songs with their own names, except he gets commission for the titles. It was on mentioning this theory in the pub – where else – that a friend reminded me of his referenced appearance in the lyrics of Ke$ha’s hit song ‘TiK ToK’ from 2009 thus cermenting my theory, and once more reminding me to question why Ke$ha would want to get with someone who looks like ‘Mick Jagger’ who, with the greatest respect to the knight, isn’t exactly love’s young dream.
Which brings me in rambling fashion to the single release from the special edition re-release of the Maroon 5 album ‘Hands All Over’, the band once more jumping on the, er, bandwagon of re-releasing an album with one more track on it. I don’t think even Sir Mick should be allowed to get away with such a blatant cash-in trick.
‘Moves Like Jagger’, avoiding any jokes involving the words ‘slowly’ and ‘with assistance’, is a typical Maroon 5 track with their blueprint all over it. Starting with the hook which, refreshingly, is based around a whistle and builds to a speedy and hummable song that, like someone signing ‘Paint It Black’, sticks in your head. Just don’t watch the video unless the thought of a topless Adam Levine, archive footage of Jagger or some drunken dads dancing is your idea of fun.
After two-minutes of catchiness from the Maroon boys, Christina Aguilera arrives for a guest slot that is very complimentary to the track and some of the best work she has done in a while, even if her appearance is only there for thirty seconds save for some trademark wails over the remaining choruses and a rapper-style ‘huh’ as she begins to sing. The biggest surprise is that she actually looks quite respectable in the video. Certainly flirty, but not dirrty.
I was a big fan of ‘Misery’, the band’s initial lead single from the original version of this album, and this easily stands up with that and indeed their bigger singles from earlier in their career. I mostly enjoy songs from established acts that mix it up with some guest vocals, and Aguilera’s contribution to the song is perfect and fits in well, to make this one of the big hits of the summer with some well constructed and seductive lyrics, mixed in with that catchy whistling and some effective but unobtrusive production effects.
Gates, who hasn't been seen for a while, has certainly done a wide variety of stuff in his short career - and that statement doesn't necessarily include Jordan - but it's a shame not to see him more in the charts as he was a good singer and had some good hits.
Maybe he could do a cover of the Lonely Island's 'I'm On A Boat'?
With that in mind, here are three of his best hits in my opinion on a sunday morning...
Now they'll be able to return to obscurity which will mean no more stalking of people contacting them via Radio 1 and other delightful incidents from the group.
Oh, except they won't, as Tulisa's face is now everywhere as one of the judges on the - sigh - return of the X-Factor.
Now THAT'S something I'd like to give the middle finger.
"Christina Aguilera to play Jackson concert" is the straight-forward headline used by the BBC to announce that there is to be a Michael Jackson tribute concert to be held on the 8th October in Cardiff, which leads to me asking several questions:
Firstly, why Cardiff? Yes, it's in its massive Millennium stadium but it's not exactly synonymous with the superstar. I don't remember him singing in Welsh or being particularly associated with the place? Surely a tribute American singer who is big all over the world would either go on tour or take place in America?
Secondly, why now? It's ages since his death - what has triggered it now?
Thirdly, if it wasn't for the money going to charity I'd say cash in! Might be interesting to go to but only if Eminem gets on the bill to sing 'Just Lose It'.
Among the many horiffic tales of the impact of the London riots on people's livelihoods, businesses and homes, the music industry has also taken the brunt of the mindless violence and destruction currently taking place nightly in London.
"Independent music labels left 'devastated' by riot fire" lists a lot of the impacts including the destruction of a Sony warehouse that's the distributor for 150 independent labels, destroying all their stock. (Hmm... Jedward are on Sony... might not be a complete loss...)
This loss hits labels such as Domino, Warp and XL, record labels that have stocked artists such as Franz Ferdinand, Maximo Park and the White Stripes respectively. The impact on smaller labels could be disasterous and they could well go out of business.
In connected news "London theatres close amid riots" after advice from the police. I'm sure this must extend to other venues - including music venues - in the affected areas.
So... with music, culture and sport affected, what implications will this have on independent record labels and, away from music, things like the Olympics? It's not my place to say but these reports and images will have their impact.
But let's lighten the mood slightly. Following Kelly Rowland's "wardrobe malfunction" "ABC apologises for Nicki Minaj costume slip" when her top slipped down revealing her nipples, even with a five-second delay. I'm sure people will have loved to 'check it out'. Ahem.
Though the article should be loaded just for the caption under the photo. "Nicki Minaj ate a piece of fried chicken during the New York show.
Wow. I can't believe how amazing she is for that. Whoop-de-KFC-do.
"Walsh backs anti-bullying campaign" shows Walsh battered in bruised in a piece to highlight the impacts of bullying, if impacts is not a crass choice of words. It's a worthy cause but he's probably not the one involved in the show you'd want to punch.
"Concert takings drop after boom" reveals this article on the BBC website that shows fans spent less money going to gigs in 2010 due to many factors, including the fact that the Rolling Stones and Take That didn't tour and other bands such as the Kings of Leon downgraded their venues, but looks like 2011 will be better thanks to, er, Take That, but probably not thanks to Kings of Leon who cancelled their tour, though that was across the pond.
Intriguingly, the live music sector makes more money than the recorded CD sector, which at least confirms that artists do get most of their money from gigs rather than their long players. A band is always best live anyway. Unless they're too drunk to perform, of course.
Who knew Gary, Robbie and friends were so good for the economy? I think the coalition should give every household a pair of gig passes to see someone. That would be just the ticket.
Sometimes you tune into a programme and are not sure of the tone: is 'Torchwood' supposed to be serious or comedic? Is 'Coronation Street' supposed to be that crap? Is 'Come Dine With Me' a cooking show or a mental evaluation of its contestants?
One such show was 'Superheroes of Suburbia', a show I'd never planned on watching but my parents had Sky plussed it and, at ten at night, there's little else to do when you're tired and at your parents. For those of you who didn't see it, it was basically a real-life 'Kick Ass', with three ordinary people donning lycra, masks and, in one case, a full Roman Centurion costume, and heading out onto the streets to battle unruly behaviour, solve crimes and, er, attempt to kick some ass.
Now, I was under the impression that this was a spoof show, ala 'Look Around You', made to look real but actually fake. How else would you explain someone walking around drunken clubbers dressed like Maximum Idiotus the third; a teenage superhero who suffers from panic attacks when dealing with people, and a man with smoke bombs whose hero tactic is to scare off teenagers from riding their bikes around a local car park. It's hardly undermining the criminal belly of Gotham City.
When the wife of one of them has to place an advert in a paper for a sidekick as she's worried her husband will be attacked whilst out hero-ing, and a man dressed as a jester-version of Spider-man turns up to audition, giving him defence lessons with a walking stick that he carries with him 'for medical reasons', you wonder if someone has spiked your drink or that it's not really that truthful.
Granted, the three individuals featured suffered from some level of mental problem, so it went from a harmless documentary to a Channel 5-style "hey, look at these weirdos", but there's something that didn't quite fit. There are lots of have-a-go-heroes and reports of people dressing up as superheroes in the paper, but I'm not sure how true this one was. It was more surreal than if your gran turned up at your house dressed as one of the members of KISS. With a warthog. Wearing a tutu.
And it speaks.
Anyway, the people in it were all harmless and maybe doing some good, even at the detriment to their safety. I'm just not sure if the documentry was an amusing look at their achievements or a voyeristic finger-pointing at people with disabilities. One of them suffered from aspergers and his love of comics has translated into what he wants to do in real life. Is that observing a harmless fantasy or highlighting his lack of grasp on reality?
Or, in fact, whether they were any good as superheroes; for a start off, through captions, they revealed their identities. And where they lived. And the chap who had lots of samurai swords kept them in a weakly locked shed at the end of the house. Hardly the bat cave, just as one's method of transport - a pushbike - was hardly the batmobile. I was disappointed though that the Dark Spartan, the aforementioned Centurion superhero, didn't ride around on a chariot. Or at least a Segway with spokes on, pulled by two hobby-horses.
Overall it was an unusual half an hour, but was undoubtedly entertaining, even if the line between observation and mickey-taking was blurred throughout it. I still think someone had spiked my drink though. Where's a superhero when you need one?
The episode did remind me, though, of that great joke by Stewart Francis from "Mock The Week". "Hello... I'm Procrastination Man... hey, wait, where is everybody? And why is there blood everywhere?"
I think the show has inspired me to be a superhero, though. I'm going to become the invincible 'Mothman'... and here I am to save you all... ooh, bright light...
Obviously they've done it for keepsakes but chances are they weren't stolen by their fans. But it's hardly going to be something they can sell on eBay as the police will be onto them like a joke writer on a celebrity death. It certainly won't be back to feedback.
And with "Celebrity Big Brother" on its way this summer, "Jedward want to clean up Big Bro" if they appear on it. I suppose in many ways Channel 5 will get two people for the same amount, but would we want the pair on the show? After their performance on '8 Out of 10 Cats' they'll certainly have the mickey taken out of them so maybe that'll bring some much needed comedy to the show? I just hope the house has enough hair lacquer in stock.
Actually, no, I haven't and the connections are, to be fair, quite tenuous. But I have seen this sort of article before on a Friday - the sort of page filler needed before the staff bugger off for the weekend.
Well, there's also the need for free publicity for the return of the music show, filling our screens once more with a mixture of mentally ill and talented people, with both categories exploited in the name of entertainment. Oh, how I love autumn. Hmm.
"Royal Albert Hall private box for sale at £550,000" reveals the BBC. Crikey, that's as much as a house in some places. I hope they'd put on some good performances for that amount, though I don't think that they'd be that impressed by someone living there, eating a bowl of Frosties in the box whilst in their dressing gown. But you had better hurry - in 836 years it will revert to the ownership of the Monarchy!
At least she didn't say it sounded like this band. "Kings Of Leon Members Urging Caleb Followill To Enter Rehab" suggests that the band is, er, on the rocks, due to their lead singer hitting the bottle. Surely in the wake of Amy Winehouse's death, bands should really be thinking about their addictions?
Speaking of which, "Lady GaGa Has Stopped Doing "Hard Drugs"", in an account that suggests Winehouse's death has has an impact. Though it doesn't say whether fewer drugs will mean a more sane dress sense from the singer. If she does go on the wagon, it'll probably just be a wooden skirt with wheels or something.
And yet the drugs still continue with "X Factor hopefuls given the boot after snorting cocaine on camera", caught by hidden video cameras in the dressing rooms which Simon Cowell hoped would spice up the programme. Well they certainly did that and made the contestants look like right, erm, charlies. When they said that product placement would be used more in shows, this wasn't the sort of coke they wanted on display...
"That's a Perry bold look, Katy" reads this Sun article. Actually, it's pink, and not that shocking. It seems without phones available to hack, News International papers are perhaps getting desperate for headlines?
And finally "Cher LLoyd talks about people hating Swagger Jagger" where she says you shouldn't judge the album on her first single. What? People might think her lead single is reflective of the album as a whole? How dare they! I was hoping it be further songs used in cartoons mixed in with pop lyrics. I'm disappointed that I won't hear rapping over the Wacky Races tune. Grrr.
"Kings Of Leon pull out of US gig after 'band problems'" suggests the 'Sex on Fire' band may be, er screwed, with reported problems in the band that suggest they may not be far from taking a break. They might need have to 'Use Somebody' like a 'Charmer' to 'Crawl' to their 'Fans' after a tour date was cut short. Sorry.
In other news "Professor Green Mocks Kate Nash On New Album" in what must be possibly the most hard-hitting critism of the week... hmm. Apparantely he got into a spat on Twitter with her boyfriend so in a song that addresses the Twitter battle he compares her to 'Krusty The Clown' from the Simpsons. D'oh! If it's got to the point where songs are inspired by Twitter I'm expecting a new love song about meeting on Facebook. "So I poked her, then she poked me back, and now I find she's really attractive..." or something like that.
From N-Dubz "Tulisa Contostavlos: 'I smoked weed, had sex at 14'", with comments on the page suggesting she's probably not the best role model for the X-Factor, or whatever it is she's on. Possibly not, but that was her upbringing and it's probably the same for a lot of people. I just hope she didn't do both at the same time.
And, finally, shock! Horror! A female singer uses sex to sell records. "Nicole Scherzinger gets steamy in new Wet music video". Though I can't complain about the thought of Nicole in a shower, I'd rather she concentrated on making some decent music rather than appealing to the men and tabloid press.