London 2012 Olympics – Days 1 - 3

Back in 2005 we won the games
Thanks in part to two key names
David Beckham and Sebastian Coe
Would now go on to run the show

We beat the French to host the games
And not soon after we heard complaints
“We’re coming into a deep recession
“Has the Government not learnt its lesson?”

But the building began and up it grew
From East end wasteland coming up anew
New stadia built, impressive looking
Regenerated land was up and coming

But what of the stadium when the Olympics end?
For one football club it would be a god send
Crazily Hotspurs just wanted the land
Why demolish a new building? So we chose West Ham

The parodies were quite fair
Twenty Twelve was on air
Not too far from the truths
With their fictional goofs

The new logo was shown
And one fact it was known
A child of about ten
Could have done a better attempt

The graffiti style would have been seen
As appealing quite well to the British teen
It showed 2012 but what we all saw instead
Was Lisa from the Simpsons giving some head

And so 2012 came and arrived here quite fast
And the stadia was finished with time spare – aghast!
Will the transport plan set out be up to the strain?
With newly painted obvious Olympic car lanes?

We would get a new cable car crossing the Thames
Which would go at two speeds during the games
But we didn’t quite know when it got a little hot
That mid journey over it would break down and stop

The Olympic torch started its journey around
Going here, going there, to all cities and towns
With bad weather and nudists and protesters a test
But still the flame travelled and completed its quest

It went in a rowing boat, went on a zip wire
As 95% of Britains saw the great fire
And it went to Lands End and John O’Groats later
Not bad for something looking like a cheese grater

And people looked proud as they ran with the flame
Even if all TV footage looked pretty much the same
(And did you know you could buy your torch by the way
And make a nice profit by flogging it on eBay)

As the games came much nearer the news got quite mean
As we found out that Beckham had been dropped by the team
And after poor shows in sport in Wimbledon and the Euros
We looked forward to better from our Olympic heroes

But we didn’t realise that G4S guards didn’t show
And we were left with a shortfall with two weeks to go
So we drafted in coppers and soldiers back from Iraq
And demanded that G4S pay some money back

But the benefit it seems of having soldiers on hand
Coming back from defending us in foreign lands
Was when there were seats left empty in farces
They could be filled by our boys sat down on their arses

The football kicked off the Olympic games
With Scotland hosting two footballing teams
But there was only one major snag
Some idiot with PowerPoint Googled the wrong bloody flag

North Korea were miffed, insulted away from London
Which is not good for a country with its finger on the button
The apology was swift, the error repealed
Allowing the team to come back on the field

And just when it was starting, oh how we did laugh
When Presidental hopeful Mitt Romney made quite such a gaff
He said that a few thing maybe “were disconcerting”
But we sent him back to his home country smarting

(It was quite incredible really
It did quite astound
That we got behind Boris
On the moral high ground)

We got some new tunes like ‘Survival’ by Muse
And to be honest it was a bit rubbish, not a song I would choose
I’d rather have a song promoting competitive drinking
‘The Beer Olympics’ by the Lancashire Hotpots is what I am thinking!

And so soon came the opening ceremony directed by Boyle
And lots of actors, and nurses and animals did toil
To bring us a spectacular feast for the senses
(Which is quite good as it was quite expensive)

We enjoyed some Victorian dancing and chimneys that grew
And an inflatable Voldermort and a Mary Poppins or two
Oh how we laughed when we saw Mr Bean
But that was topped by a parachuting queen

You’ve not seen an opening that will make you smirk
Unless you throw from a plane your reigning monarch
The music was great, (the lesbian kiss perhaps a little rude)
But after the Jubilee Concert who wanted Paul’s Hey Jude?

There were lots of great moments, too many to name
From the sound of a TARDIS to youths lighting the flame
Which was similar to last year but different as well
As they weren’t looting shops at the same time looking for things to sell

But it wasn’t all smooth running, it went onto quite early
The athlete walk-past was tedious, and don’t mention Aidan Burley
An MP criticising the multiculturalism and saying it’s quite lefty
And being a little racist about the London opening ceremony

Just say the social networks got really quite bitter
And he got a drubbing when posting on Twitter
And then there was that sight, was it just a dream
But who was that woman with the Indian team?

The ceremony ended the actors went to the pub
And fell asleep and didn’t see the NBC snub
Cutting out crucial elements like the 7/7 dance piece
And the kiss between two women that even went out in the Middle East

And the games then began, the first day of a huge feat
Just the shame that there were just so many empty seats
Coe said it is fine, the seats are filled to the gunnels
But seats were still empty, it wasn’t that funny

Transport was going, it can be said, reasonably well
With little reported gridlocking hell
And to prove it was quite progressive and not such a boob
We saw David Cameron riding the tube

The medals started coming though we were behind China
With a silver for Armitstead, with the Bronze behind her
No luck for the road race they ended up not quite winning
Thank God for Adlington getting a bronze in the swimming

With Paula Radcliffe out of the marathon due to a sprain
And questions about the cauldron no longer with flame,
With Tom Daley in fourth and Swiss footballing racism
All we wanted was a little bit of sporting escapism

So what will come next on this Olympic journey
Which athletes it seems will be going home early?
How many people will see all the records?
After problems with seats, flags and security guards?

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Geoffrey Hughes: A few thoughts

It’s not often that I’d write a piece like this but I would like to comment on the sad passing away of an acting and comedy legend. Geoffrey Hughes has sadly passed away at the age of 68 following a long battle with cancer.

I was firstly most familiar with Geoffrey Hughes as the hilarious slob Onslow in Roy Clarke’s fantastic sitcom ‘Keeping Up Appearances’. Famous for his high-brow reading matter, tolerance of his amorous wife and his fondness for lager, or “breakfast” as he called it, Geoffrey lived the character and became a highlight of the show.

But it wasn’t just this portrayal that he brought to life. I remember watching repeats of Coronation Street on Granada Plus – remember that channel? – and he was in these in the early days as bin man Eddie Yates.

And though I also saw him in a handful of episodes of the Royle Family – most memorably stripping wallpaper to Lou Bega’s ‘Mambo No. 5’, it would be his stint in popular ITV 60s police drama ‘Heartbeat’ that would be my favourite character. Inspired by the Greengrass character that proceeded him, Hughes’ character in the light drama was always a weekly highlight and though his time was cut short due to the start of his illness, he left in a well constructed plotline where he faked his own death to escape the taxman, but did return later in a brief cameo that saw him come back from Spain, where his character now ran a bar. But it was his initial departure that will be remembered as he was seen by other character David as a ghost, but as Bernie noted later, a ghost that came back to get a passport. Geoffrey Hughes will be sadly missed by fans of Corrie, Keeping up Appearances, Heartbeat and the many other shows he appeared in, most recently in Skins. He was an excellent comedy character actor and brought every role he appeared to life.

RIP Geoffrey Hughes (1944 – 2012)

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Swearing On The Radio? What are the fudging rules?

The playing of a song on Radio 2 this week got me thinking; when is swearing in songs acceptable?

There has been a small history of songs played on radio that tend to have swearing in them but seem to escape censorship thanks to either their status or the word is too difficult to make out.

'Freestyler' by Bomfunk MCs features the phrase stolen from Roy Chubby Brown's Smokie spoof 'who the fuck is Alice' but for many years this was kept in it on the radio, but I have more recently heard it censored.

Only last week on BBC Radio 2 Chris Tarrant played a listener's request of Pink Floyd's 'Money' which included, unedited, the word 'bullshit'.

And now BBC Radio 2 have added the - excellent - new single from the Scissor Sisters onto their playlist called 'Baby Come Home', again with a swear word uncensored, in this case 'fuck'. I've heard it twice now on Ken Bruce's show, both unedited.

Now some lyrics sites say it's not an explicit line but most do and if you look at the video below, at the 38s mark and you can clearly see in the original version it is a swear word. Now on the record it's not particular clear but you can tell it's explicit and the video confirms this.

So where do radio stations stand on explicit lyrics in songs? BBC Radio 2 had Maroon 5's 'Payphone' single on rotation a couple of weeks back and that was the radio edit version but that is a heavily swearing song in its original version. It's also well known that the station plays songs that feature guest rappers in alternative versions, such as Jessie J's 'Price Tag' and the aforementioned Maroon 5 track.

In the past even songs that don't have swearing in have been edited, such as Robbie William's 'Rudebox' with the dodgy-sounding, but clean, 'funk-faces' edited alongside some low-level drug references.

So who makes the decision about what swearing to include and not to include? Is it based on level, audibility or type of artist? Swearing doesn't particularly bother me in songs but, as someone who tries very hard on my own amateur shows to cut out all swearing and when radio stations I've been involved with have had complaints about lesser-offensive words such as 'bitch', what are the rules and where is the consistency?

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The London 2012 Olympics Ceremony

Well, that was surreal wasn’t it? Though not matching the opening of Beijing 2008 in terms of size, scope and regimented impressiveness, it’s hard not to be impressed by the spectacle that Danny Boyle directed. Managing to capture the eccentricity of the British people perfectly – I followed it but I wonder what some countries made of the imagery displayed – the opening ceremony was a tour de force, and tour de farce, through the UK’s history.

I have to say that I was distinctly unimpressed by the first ten minutes of the ceremony and felt that it was going to be a disappointment. Though the set of Glastonbury Tor and cast of hundreds was well composed, the forced acting and strange dad-dancing seemed vaguely embarrassing, topped up with Kenneth Branagh as Isambard Kingdom Brunel walking around with a slightly self-satisfied smile, far outliving the actual person’s lifespan as he continued walking around far into the 1960s.

I think, and this counted for a lot of it, that the sheer spectacle of all the elements building up and bustling would have been better experienced actually there but the television coverage certainly helped with the detail. That’s not to say the BBC should be in line for another Jubilee Thames procession drubbing. Aside from the questionable commentating, their coverage was flawless, it was just something that couldn’t be captured on that scale without being there.

However, as the history of Britain moved into the industrial revolution, with huge smoke-spewing chimneys bursting out of the ground, I was captured by the spectacle and as a map of the Thames began to be created, matched by groups of dancers and the pixels in the crowd making some impressive lighting effects it hit it up a notch. There was something a little bit disconcerting about the stutter-y video segments that bridged the gap between sections, an effect that was a little uncomfortable to view, and there was something a little Eurovision about them.

The forging of the rings, with the use of fireworks – which continued throughout, scattered among the various performances – was a fantastic visual site.

But the ceremony was soon to forget all these slight stumbling blocks with a rather creepy montage of children’s books and a celebration of the NHS, with a large model of Harry Potter baddy Voldermort towering over the stadium with many monsters running about and other famous characters such as Chitty Chitty’s ‘The Child-catcher’ causing chaos, before being stopped by an army of Mary Poppins. Quite scary for an opening ceremony.

But it was what came up next that became the highlight of the ceremony for me. Against a backdrop of unanimously positive praise on Twitter – amongst lots of humour from commentators and much vitriole towards MP Aidan Burley who became the figure of hate last night as he made some very misjudged comments towards the multiculturalism of the, er, 204-country-inclusive Olympics – came some of the best scenes.

Only in Britain would our head of state agree to appear in a VT with Daniel Craig as James Bond that would then imply she has parachuted into the venue in an inspired piece of recorded and then live footage. I’ve found similar things in the past very distasteful, such as Tony Blair’s cringe-worthy appearance alongside Catherine Tate, and on paper this seems disrespectful, but was hilarious and kudos to the Queen for doing it. The only thing that annoyed me was that the scenes in the helicopter were clearly shot during the day but the ceremony was at night.

As well as this we got the hilarious Rowan Atkinson as Mr Bean giving us a small sketch as he performed along to ‘Chariots of Fire’ including a simple, but witty, VT that captured the popular worldwide character perfectly.

Chuck in a well made trip through the eras set against a love story (sadly it didn’t cover more realistic topics of knife crime and teenage pregnancy!) with a great range of music and dances over the ages, plus many movies and television series shown via large projections, plus a cheeky appearance by the sound of the TARDIS during Bohemian Rhapsody, which was a well made nod towards the David Tennant episode set at the opening ceremony, but sadly no TARDIS or Who actor was to be seen.

As for representation, it could be argued that the history was cherry-picked. For every celebration of our successes such as the internet – hello, Sir Tim Berners Lee, our industrial revolution and other acts, there was no mention of the less palatable parts of our history such as slavery and the empire and such like, but it’s understandable why these were avoided and in any case if this similar theme would have been done in China four years ago how much would that secretive and restricted state paint out of their history?

After this cavalcade of historical recreations we got the lengthy and, frankly, tedious walk-on by all 204 country teams, only made bearable by the now useful commentary from the BBC presenters – their earlier commentary was mostly unnecessary and intrusive – and the range of jokes on Twitter, courtesy of Danny Wallace and his followers who took the joke of the Fiji team coming onto the ‘Bee Gees’ and ran with it with some great further rhyming bands (Malaysia to Erasure, Kenya to Enya etc), the people that noticed that Trevor Nelson and Aidan Burley’s Wikipedia pages had been edited cheekily to reflect their issues on the night, and other witty comments.

Though the closing of the ceremony wasn’t as impressive as its first bit, the sight of people in bird-costumes on bikes and an ET moment of one flying, plus David Beckham’s appearance on a motorboat with the flame were good. Though a lot were disgruntled about the eventual choice of the cauldron-lighters – seven upcoming young athletes – I thought it worked well and the cauldron, made up of the 204 pots brought on by the compositing teams, moving smoothly to form one massive cauldron – was beautifully done and a fantastic design choice. It’s just a shame that Boyle didn’t learn from the lacklustre performance of Paul McCartney at the Jubilee Concert and kept in him closing it with ‘Hey Jude’ which, in his defence did get the crowd engaged and singing along, but his voice isn’t how it was.

Overall I think Danny Boyle made us proud to be British with his opening ceremony. Though it had its questionable moments with some dodgy dancing and a not particularly exciting opening ten minutes, it soon found its footing and brought us some impressive shifting landscapes, great comedy and inspired VTs that really captured the mood of the British. Throw in a great soundtrack from Underworld – bolstered by some excellent live segments from the haunting beautifully ‘Tubular Bells’ by Mike Oldfield, to a two-song set from the Arctic Monkeys and a great moment-capturing piece by the Two Door Cinema Club.

The elements with Mr Bean, Bond and the Queen are quite rightfully being talked about even twelve hours on. Though the parade of teams was long and boring – can someone install a travelator next year? – the rest captured the spirit of the country perfectly and celebrated everything great about the British, nailing the humour with everything from our TV shows to that Michael Fish incident, whilst not forgetting the moments of power and emotion such as the Suffragette movement, how lucky we are to have the NHS, and also memorials to those who fought and died in the world wars, and in more recent tragedies such as 7/7. The dancers with the sand was a subdued but perfectly captured moment.

To put a cliché out there, it was a night to make you feel proud to be British even if the ceremony did perhaps paint a more ideal picture of the kingdom than we really have, although it did make me appreciate what a great country this is to live in. It certainly captured the eccentricity though, and the we-don’t-care-what-people-think attitude.

I don’t think we could have asked for a better opening ceremony that, though not having the huge scale of the Beijing one, had much more heart, humour and surreal scenes as opposed to robotic brilliance, alongside so much great music and, as many have noted, scenes such as a lesbian kiss that would never, even been seen in other countries, creating something that, helped by its later showing, does make you feel like it was all a weird dream.

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The Lancashire Hotpots – A Hard Day’s Pint (Album Review)

I can’t believe that we’ve already got to the sixth album from comedy folk band ‘The Lancashire Hotpots’ who, many years ago, stormed onto the circuit with their cult classics ‘Chippy Tea’ and ‘He’s Turned Emo’. Two albums, a Christmas disc, a concept CD about tongue-in-cheek criminal acts, and a fun album last year called ‘Achtung Gravy’ and we have the beer-based concept album ‘A Hard Day’s Pint,’ inspired cover-wise by the Beatles album like last year’s CD was based on U2’s ‘Achtung Baby’.

I was lucky enough to grab this album as part of the deluxe set for a bargain £20, so I’m now the proud owner of an exclusive t-shirt, wallet, signed card poster, album and live Sheffield CD, a one-hour plus 18-track disc recorded at ‘The Plug’ with an excellent live show captured on disc complete with a great selection of tracks from their first five albums plus the fantastic ‘Bang Bang Thumpy Megamix’. It’s not quite as spell-binding as their recent live show I saw in Lancaster, it’s impossible to capture the live atmosphere on a recording, but it’s as close as it can be to it with a great mix of the band members and instruments and one of the clearest and fun live albums I’ve heard that shows the spirit of the band and their involvement with the crowd (though the crowd are perhaps a little quiet in the mix), plus their variants in lyrics from their original recorded versions.

But onto the main body of work. Coming in at just over forty-five minutes – putting some more serious bands to shame with their shorter albums – ‘A Hard Day’s Pint’ boasts fifteen tracks all on the theme of drinking and, though it could easily, the joke doesn’t wear thin over its running time. Though I do feel a little cheated that four of the said tracks are re-recordings of previous album songs, eleven new tracks is a good return rate and the older songs fit in nicely.

The album kicks off with ‘Let’s Get Leathered’. Though it could never reach the heights of previous album opener ‘Mek Us A Brew’ it’s a fun introduction to the album’s theme and includes a cracking sing-a-long breakdown that apes the live version and builds to a great conclusion that throws in some great piano, Monty Python-style elements and a fun retro theme.

We then get a new version of fan favourite ‘Bitter, Lager, Cider, Ale, Stout’ which is much perkier than the first album version and benefits from some much better production, alongside the inclusion of the ‘alcopops’ shout-out from the live version, which really benefits this version and makes it a stronger track and justifies its re-inclusion.

‘It’s The Beer Talking’, is a country-sounding ditty with Bernard’s vocals given the high-pitched treatment as he becomes ‘Pinta Beer’ which thankfully don’t end up being annoying like they easily could. With some catchy sections and lots of the well-written lyrics that permeate through all their songs, it continues the album well.

The group’s version of the famous Sailor’s Hornpipe tune, ‘The Perfect Pint’ was excellent live and though this doesn’t quite capture the magic of the challenging delivery of the live version is still an ideal drinking song. The lyrics take inspiration from the original but bring them to another level and the speeding up elements work really well.

Next up we have the Lock-In Mix of ‘I’ll ‘ave One With You’ which is possibly the laziest addition to the album, adding in the single version of a track that was only included on the last album, with the only difference being the removal of a mention to ‘Pete Docherty’. It is, of course, a great version of the traditional song with well-written lyrics and a catchy delivery, but its re-appearance is a little bit disappointing.

But the next track is a highlight. It might be crude and lewd but ‘No Lock On The Door’ is very funny and an excellent showcase of the observational humour that makes the Hotpots as good as they are. A definitely highlight of the album and you’ll soon sing-a-long to the chorus.

After a relatively strong first third the album does take a little dip here. ‘Designated Driver’ has some great lyrics, sounding a little Madness-esque, but isn’t the strongest song musically. ‘Did You Spill My Pint?’ with its Phil Mitchell-sounding opening chorus is again an average track compared to their usual quality. ‘The Barmaid’s Baps’, naturally full of innuendo of the same type of the title, is a fun enough track but again not a classic.

Thankfully the album starts lifting up soon after with Liverpudlian Billy taking vocal duties and delivering a Doctor Who-themed track in the form of ‘If I Had A TARDIS’ with some clever sci-fi references scattered amongst some cheesier skits. With a refreshing change of voice and some funny lyrics, this builds up the album back up and continues with ‘The Beer Festival’, with some top use of backing vocals and a really enjoyable music track.

Recent single ‘The Beer Olympics’ follows, making its third appearance in the Hotpots catalogue following the original EP and second album presences. The new version isn’t a million miles away from the original versions but is better produced and a little buzzier with a jazzier piano and a switch of members from Willie to Bernard mentioned in the breakdown. A catchy chorus and a timely re-appearance make this a welcome addition.

‘The Last Man Standing’, built around a singable round, is perhaps disappointingly the weakest track on the album which would work well live or as a drinking song with friends but is a little stale on the album and outstays its welcome. But it’s followed by the best song on the album, ‘Kebablishment’, a catchy, lyrically strong and hilarious song that’s only fault is that it ends too quickly.

‘A Hard Day’s Pint’ comes to an end with a new version of the second album closer ‘The Girl From Bargain Booze’, one of my personal favourites and a great ender. However, out of the four new tracks, this is the only that’s actually not as good as the original, forgoing the more effective Oasis-style piano for a less good one, with a little less emotion in Bernard’s voice, though the kazoo solo over the guitar one of the original is better, and the lyrics are as funny as ever, plus it concludes the album, as it did on ‘Pot Sounds’, in an ideal way.

Overall ‘A Hard Day’s Pint’ is another great album from the comedy folk group. Featuring songs such as ‘The Perfect Pint’, ‘No Lock On The Door’, ‘The Beer Festival’ and ‘Kebablishment’ which are destined to become classics in their canon it captures the beer theme perfectly and there are a lot of well observed lyrics amongst catchy chorus. There are a few less appealing tracks around the middle of the album and the inclusion of four old album tracks, though welcome in their new versions and are all great to hear again, smacks of repetition and laziness. But, as a comedy album it works and the joke concept that the Lancashire Hotpots have built their music career on shows no sign of stopping or tiring so if they can just continue making new music and leaving the old favourites for their live shows then I look forward to further albums from the band.

In fact, I’ll hope to ‘ave another one with them next year if we get a seventh album!

7/10

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The Dark Knight Rises (Spoiler-free Review)

As I’m not the world’s hugest Batman fan – I’m bit more of Spider-man fan myself – I’m not sure what tempted me to see the third of Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy in Imax at 8:20 on a Friday morning. It was, perhaps, the novelty value of seeing a film that early in the morning and besides I wasn’t obsessed enough to see the 5am – yes, 5am, showing of the film.

Anyway, so it’s down to the business of this review. How does the third cog of the franchise stand up compared to the critically acclaimed ‘The Dark Knight’?

Well in my opinion it is the strongest of the three films, surpassing the OK ‘Batman Begins’ and the slightly over-rated ‘The Dark Knight’ to become the highlight of the trilogy.

And, I’m happy to say, it’s a vast improvement over the lacklustre ‘The Avengers’ film of a month or so ago.

‘The Dark Knight Rises’ is set eight years after the events of its predecessor and sees Gotham Batman-less and Bruce Wayne a recluse. But when a cunning cat burglar breaks into his safe and a mask-wearing mercenary turns up on the scene intent on destroying Gotham as finalising his leader’s ambitions, a series of events is set in motion that brings the Batman back to save Gotham from destruction on a scale even grander than that of the Joker’s doing in ‘The Dark Knight’.

Much has been said about the film about the difficulties of hearing the voice of Bane, the main villain for this piece, but I have to say either they were wrong or work has been done on it. That said, there are many moments in the piece where he is impossible to understand but that’s not just confined to him. Gary Oldman as Commissioner Gordon and Christian Bale as Batman, who are both excellent in the film, equally are difficult to hear in parts of the film.

Plot wise I feel the film was stronger than the second. Though lacking the cunning tricks and set-ups of the Joker, especially in the boat scene, the plotting of elements that form the main plot and the neat ties with the first films in the trilogy are much more satisfying than in the previous film and the two-and-a-three-quarter running time flies by. That’s not to say there aren’t some less than satisfying sections, such as the sign posting of the elements of the conclusion, a disappointing end to one character’s arc and some plot elements lifted from ‘Spider-man 2’ but there are some cracking, tense scenes that really get your hands sweaty and several twists as the plot unfurls, and the action never seemed to stop with the plot being mostly continuously interesting.

Much will be said about the ending and I’ll leave it at that but I think it’s expected, but enjoyable and ties things up nicely.

Christian Bale as Batman is on par with the other films but gets to play a different side to him in this. In fact you’ll be surprised by how little Batman is actually on the screen with Bruce Wayne getting much more screen time allowing his character to grow. Alfred, his butler, is played with a large amount of Cockney matched only by a large amount of tears and, though he is absent for much of the film, does bring a large level of emotion and feeling to the film. Gary Oldman as Commissioner Gordon doesn’t have a massive amount to do in the film but does get to be involved with several action scenes, and it’s nice to see some cameo returns for previous characters.

Tom Hardy was great as Bane and held the screen as much as Heath Ledger did in the first film and was just as exciting a villain. His voice, when you could understand it, was suitable and there was some nice backstory filled out for his character. His costume was distinctive and his fighting scenes well done and he was a credible threat. But it was Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle who I enjoyed more as a villain, and not because her costume was particularly sexy. Her progression from the film was enjoyable as her character changes as she gets more involved with the plotting.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt was a welcome addition to the cast as John Blake, carrying a lot of the film himself and feeling like he’s always been part of the series, and Morgan Freeman was enjoyable as Lucius Fox, once more employing some great technology.

Musically I wouldn’t say the film was any great shakes. The use of heavy bass at key points symbolised the power of Bane well but the music never really stood out to me. The CGI, for what little there seemed to be, was convincing and the portrayal of Gotham, especially during the final third, was impressive and put across the feeling of a city in trouble very well.

The cinematography was as excellent as the last film with a great scene of scale and drama but, even though there was more of it in this film, I didn’t get the same buzz of involvement from the IMAX shots as I did in the previous one, but I’m not sure why.

Overall ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ had a lot to live up to following ‘The Dark Knight’ but it achieves and surpasses it. The plot was tight and interesting; the interweaving of the villains well done; and the level of threat credible. The balance between locations and the feel of a more ensemble affair made the movie and though the twist ending wasn’t unobvious and the conclusion did amble into sentimentality – but I did enjoy this – and the music not particular over-whelming, this was a triumph for the cast and crew, rounding off and tying up the trilogy nicely, offering a realistic take on a comic book, whilst also offering a future strand if the story is continued rather than rebooted.

After my personal disappointment with ‘The Avengers’ and the so-so ‘The Amazing Spider-man’ this was a comic book film to enjoy even for someone with no particular interest in comic books.

9/10

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The Dark Knight Rises (Spoiler-filled Review)

***Here be major spoilers***

Why not click here for my spoiler-free one?

As I’m not the world’s hugest Batman fan – I’m bit more of Spider-man fan myself – I’m not sure what tempted me to see the third of Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy in Imax at 8:20 on a Friday morning. It was, perhaps, the novelty value of seeing a film that early in the morning and besides I wasn’t obsessed enough to see the 5am – yes, 5am, showing of the film.

Anyway, so it’s down to the business of this review. How does the third cog of the franchise stand up compared to the critically acclaimed ‘The Dark Knight’?

Well in my opinion it is the strongest of the three films, surpassing the OK ‘Batman Begins’ and the slightly over-rated ‘The Dark Knight’ to become the highlight of the trilogy.

And, I’m happy to say, it’s a vast improvement over the lacklustre ‘The Avengers’ film of a month or so ago.

‘The Dark Knight Rises’ is set eight years after the events of its predecessor and sees Gotham Batman-less and Bruce Wayne a recluse. But when a cunning cat burglar breaks into his safe and a mask-wearing mercenary turns up on the scene intent on destroyin Gotham as finalising his leader’s ambitions, a series of events is set in motion that brings the Batman back to save Gotham from destruction on a scale even grander than that of the Joker’s doing in ‘The Dark Knight’.

Much has been said about the film about the difficulties of hearing the voice of Bane, the main villain for this piece, but I have to say either they were wrong or work has been done on it. That said, there are many moments in the piece where he is impossible to understand but that’s not just confined to him. Gary Oldman as Commissioner Gordon and Christian Bale as Batman, who are both excellent in the film, equally are difficult to hear in parts of the film.

Plot wise I feel the film was stronger than the second. Though lacking the cunning tricks and set-ups of the Joker, especially in the boat scene, the plotting of elements such as the involvement of Catwoman, the destruction of the bridges, the sense of isolation of the city in lockdown and the neat ties with the first film in the trilogy are much more satisfying than in the previous film and the two-and-a-three-quarter running time flies by. That’s not to say there aren’t some less than satisfying sections, such as the sign posting of the elements of the conclusion about one hour in, obvious even to someone like me that had pretty much forgotten the plot of the first film, and the disappointingly low key defeat of Bane after he has been such a key player in the movie and a strong character. He just, kind of, dies quickly and will little fanfare.

Also, the main problem to overcome in the dying hour of the film was lifted from Spider-man 2 and other similar films and didn’t seem particularly fresh, though it was handled with lots of tension. In fact, several scenes in the film will have your palms sweating as they are built up very well especially as the nuclear bomb ticks down to Armageddon.

And though some elements of the plotting are a little bland, the nice twist about who actually escaped the ‘well’ prison and the changing relationships between Bruce and the two key female characters was well plotted and the action never seemed to stop with the plot being mostly continuously interesting. There is one bug bear in it and that is how more and more people seem to work out Bruce Wayne is Batman. If there was to be one more film he’d be competing with Andrew Garfield’s Spider-man as the worst super-hero for keeping hidden and they both as might as well dispense of the costume.

Much will be said about the ending. Though it is perhaps a little bit cheesy it does tie everything up nicely alongside setting up a possible continuation of the franchise post-Nolan and you will get a slight lump in your throat at times. I think it works and though one element may be a tad unbelievable it is a nice nod to the fans and a contradiction to what Nolan distinctly said wouldn’t happen.

Christian Bale as Batman is on par with the other films but gets to play a different side to him in this. In fact you’ll be surprised by how little Batman is actually on the screen with Bruce Wayne getting much more screen time allowing his character to grow. Alfred, his butler, is played with a large amount of Cockney matched only by a large amount of tears and, though he is absent for much of the film, does bring a large level of emotion and feeling to the film. Gary Oldman as Commissioner Gordon doesn’t have a massive amount to do in the film but does get to be involved with several action scenes, and it’s nice to see some cameo returns for previous villains.

Tom Hardy was great as Bane and held the screen as much as Heath Ledger did in the first film and was just as exciting a villain. His voice, when you could understand it, was suitable and there was some nice backstory filled out for his character. His costume was distinctive and his fighting scenes well done and he was a credible threat. But it was Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle who I enjoyed more as a villain, and not because her costume was particularly sexy. Her progression from the film was enjoyable, from a nimble, clever cat burglar to Batman’s betrayer, so someone who, by the end, has softened a little.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt was a welcome addition to the cast as John Blake, carrying a lot of the film himself and feeling like he’s always been part of the series, and Morgan Freeman was enjoyable as Lucius Fox, once more employing some great technology.

Musically I wouldn’t say the film was any great shakes. The use of heavy bass at key points symbolised the power of Bane well but the music never really stood out to me. The CGI, for what little there seemed to be, was convincing and the portrayal of Gotham, especially during the final third, was impressive and put across the feeling of a city in trouble very well.

The cinematography was as excellent as the last film with a great scene of scale and drama but, even though there was more of it in this film, I didn’t get the same buzz of involvement from the IMAX shots as I did in the previous one, but I’m not sure why.

Overall ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ had a lot to live up to following ‘The Dark Knight’ but it achieves and surpasses it. The plot was tight and interesting; the interweaving of the villains well done; and the level of threat credible. The balance between locations and the feel of a more ensemble affair made the movie and though the twist ending wasn’t unobvious and the conclusion did amble into sentimentality – but I did enjoy this – and the music not particular over-whelming, this was a triumph for the cast and crew, rounding off and tying up the trilogy nicely, offering a realistic take on a comic book, whilst also offering a future strand if the story is continued rather than rebooted.

After my personal disappointment with ‘The Avengers’ and the so-so ‘The Amazing Spider-man’ this was a comic book film to enjoy even for someone with no particular interest in comic books.

9/10

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The Lancashire Hotpots, The Dukes, Lancaster – Saturday 14th July 2012

For a change it was decided that for our latest trip to see the excellent comedy folk band The Lancashire Hotpots we’d head to see them on their home turf rather than seeing them in Yorkshire, so it was off to the Dukes in Lancaster to enjoy another set from the band, the first of three times I’ll see them this year (I’m not stalking them, honest).

Myself and a friend enjoyed a pleasant two hour drive from Bradford to Lancaster through some gorgeous scenery in some refreshingly good weather for a change this summer before grabbing a bite to eat at the local Yates – home to the usual bunch of expected patrons on a Saturday night – not, as we should have done, for a chippy tea, but an all-day breakfast followed by a chocolate pudding. Though we did both have a pint so I’m sure the Hotpots wouldn’t be too upset with our choice of food if we accompanied it with some choice alcohol, the theme of their new sixth album ‘A Hard Day’s Pint’ released this week.

We really should have saved ourselves as the Dukes – a small but well-kept theatre with a good range of drinks and a pleasing atmosphere – had laid on some hotpot to eat but we were too full now to appreciate it so passed. We did, though, pick up some goodies from badges to a t-shirt to the aforementioned new album, alongside some free stickers including one to promote the band’s collaboration with the police force to promote the upcoming new PCC position.

The gig kicked off promptly at seven thirty with no support. They made reference to an alleged support called ‘Jamie Winehouse’ who had meant to be there but had instead gone to see Chas of Chas and Dave fame who was at the competing theatre that evening. Whether this was true or not I don’t know but if it was we got some great jokes at the expense of Chas and some extra songs in the setlist so I’m certainly not going to complain. Though it would have been nice to have heard the Re-entrants again as support.

Out of the half dozen times I’ve seen the Hotpots this was the biggest venue I’ve seen them in – and the first seated gig of this size I’ve been to – and whether it’s because of this or the general buzz of it being their named town, it was the most enjoyable time that I’ve seen them. Their performances were spot-on and the crowd were well into it (a surprisingly older crowd I found, perhaps we were the only twenty-somethings not going out clubbing on a Saturday night), creating a much happier, sing and clap-a-long atmosphere than I’ve seen at one of their gigs.

The group came on in the style of a classic ITV game show to give us their first half which was scattered with hits old and new. It was new album opener ‘Let’s Get Leathered’ which kicked things off, a song perfect for live gigs with its crowd-interaction latter half which got everyone engaged with the song. The band themselves were on fine form, joking between themselves and to the crowd, and really bringing the set to life.

The drinking theme continued with classic track ‘Bitter Lager Cider Ale Stout’ and oldie ‘I Met A Girl On MySpace’ which I’ve never heard live before I believe. The singable classics continued with ‘I Fear Ikea’ and ‘EBay ‘Eck’, and then the danceable ‘CHAV’, at least in our seats. Their act certainly feels better suited to such a venue away from the dark and gloomy bars I’ve seen them in previously. The increased stage room complete with bunting and full proper lighting was certainly a change.

The variety feel of the first half continued with a great ventriloquist section (great as in funny, not in skill, as the joke was!) and a welcome play of first album track ‘Uncle Bernard’. The little dummy they had would punctuate the gig throughout and add some laughs to various points.

Next up was ‘Pirate Bernard’ for the excellent ‘Cinema Smugglers’, with the crowd willingly taking part in the yaars, and new track ‘The Perfect Pint’ which everyone quickly picked up and sang along to and was sung fantastically live considering it sounded a tricky song to pull off, and allegedly the first time it’s been played.

The first half was brought to an end musically with personal favourite ‘Has Anyone Seen My Dongle?’ with Dickie Ticker taking lead vocals. But it wasn’t the end of the entertainment with a funny take on ‘Play Your Cards Right’ (or “Utilise your deck in an appropriate fashion” as they called it due to copyright) where a young child in the audience won a t-shirt. Again, though, we did find ourselves unable to come to a gig and escape the, excuse my language, wankers that are determined to make idiots of themselves at gigs. Following in the tradition of the tosser with the vuvuzela at an Electric Six gig to the last hotpots one I went to where two people formed their own pointless mosh-pit and kept hitting into people, this gig had two women at the back that kept shouting out over the band and an idiot next to us who seemed intent on making a prat on himself and then lost the card game in spectacular fashion by saying higher (increase!) on an ace thus losing the game. He was then a bit of a pain for the rest of the gig.

Anyway, after a brief interlude and a try of a new J2O flavour (I live an exciting life) it was back into the venue for the rest of the generous two-hour set. Brilliant opener ‘Mek Us A Brew’ began the second half and was an excellent rendition, before they rattled through more top-form versions of songs, from ‘Keys, Wallet, Phone’ to ‘I’ll ‘ave One With You’. New track ‘Kebablishment’ was an instant favourite and the skit prior to it that covered fast food restaurants and the fire brigade (or the fire people as we now know them) was quality and even had the band in hysterics.

‘The Beer Olympics’ and ‘He’s Turned Emo’ were well received by the crowd before the band disappeared for a quick costume change into their rave gear for a powerful triple punch of ‘Lancashire DJ’, complete with an impressive conga around the seated venue from the crowd, ‘Me PSP’ a personal favourite, and ‘Chippy Tea’ to conclude the set.

Naturally they came on for an encore and it was an impromptu acoustic version of ‘Cottaging’ that began it which, though not one of my favourite album tracks, was great to hear live, before the band came back on for three more songs. ‘The Girl From Bargain Booze’, complete with swaying hands, was a thumbs up from me; the ‘Shopmability Scooter / Hey Jude’ mash-up was excellent; and the traditional ten-minute ‘Bang Bang Thumpy Thump Dance Remix’ closer was as enjoyable as ever.

Overall it was an excellent gig with two hours of music being great value for money. Out of all the times I’ve seen the band this had to be the best with more crowd interaction and jokes. The band were as tight as ever and the sound system delivered their hits to us perfectly, matching the spacious and comfortable venue that allowed the crowd to appreciate the lyrics and musical layers. With some great tongue-in-cheek variety sections and an expanded set list it was always going to be a good night, and it was.

A thoroughly enjoyable gig and definitely worth the two-hour journey time. 8/10

Set List
Act One
Let’s Get Leathered
Bitter Lager Cider Ale Stout
I Met A Girl On MySpace
I Fear Ikea
EBay ‘Eck
CHAV
Uncle Bernard
Cinema Smugglers
The Perfect Pint
Has Anyone Seen My Dongle?

Act Two
Mek Us A Brew
Keys, Wallet, Phone
I’ll ‘ave One With You
Kebablishment
The Beer Olympics
He’s Turned Emo
Lancashire DJ
Me PSP
Chippy Tea

Encore
Cottaging (Acoustic)
The Girl From Bargain Booze
Shopmability Scooter / Hey Jean
Bang Bang Thumpy Thump Dance Remix

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A Day Out At Magna

Today I took a visit to a special gaming exhibition at Rotherham's 'Magna' museum, entitled 'Games Britannia - Replayed. Housed in one of their conference rooms there were more games consoles hooked up to small CRTs than you could shake a stick at with over a hundred games from the Spectrum and Atari, via the NES, SNES and Mega Drive through to the current and previous generations. In fact, think of a console, and it was probably there, even including handhelds.

Alongside that there was also multiplayer areas for games such as Halo and X-Box live games, a CBBC area for kids and even an Acorn to program on. There were regular games challenges for prizes and an area selling games from all years amongst other merchandise.

When I arrived there, after two train journeys and a bus ride, I headed straight for the Nintendo stand who were showing 'New! Super Mario Bros 2', the new Kingdom Hearts game, 'Beat the Beat' for the Wii and showing off Kid Icarus with the new 3DS XL, which looked sexy and the screens massive, and if I didn't already own a normal 3DS I'd be tempted by it.

'New! Super Mario Bros 2' was playable in demo form with three levels and though it was fun to play and the coins mechanic placed everywhere, it wasn't a huge departure from previous games and the 3D effect wasn't that astounding, just offering a distinctive between the background and foreground and not as noticeable as in 3D Land, for instance. Though looking very much like the DS game, it's difficult to notice the graphical upheave to the 3DS, it's still worth a play just don't imagine anything different. I can't help feeling that Nintendo's recent milking of the Nintendo franchise might not be good news for the portly plumber.

Though I only got to play one round of 'Beat The Beat' that played well and was challenging, with the music as catchy as the DS version.

I also took the opportunity to play some of the retro Tomb Raider games, tackling a few levels of 1, 2 and 3 but the lack of memory cards in the consoles meant no real progress could be made. It did remind me, though, that even if they can't compete graphically the older games are far better than the newer ones.

I also had a go at the first world of the SNES classic 'Donkey Kong Country' and trying to win a prize on the 'Bubble Bobble' competition. I did get the lowest score, though, of the people who entered, not surprising when you consider I'd never played the game before and thought it was 'Puzzle Bobble', a game I have played.

Overall the event was interesting. A left after two-and-a-half hours as a lot of the games were occupied and I was balanced between the young kids there and the slightly creepy adults hanging around and didn't want to appear too far into the latter category.

A worthwhile event with games for all ages and a timely reminder on how good some of the older games are. It's just a shame it had only been me from my circle of friends who had come along as it was an event made for sharing with friends, but there was plenty to enjoy.

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The Amazing Spider-man [Review]

And here we come with the re-boot of the Spider-man films first committed to celluloid, after numerous television shows, in 2002. Re-starting the story of Peter Parker who, as most people know, gets bitten by a radioactive spider and develops superpowers whilst also having to deal with the emotional consequences of the death of his guardian Uncle Ben, whose death was the result of a chain of events that Peter himself helped on their way.

This take on the story adds a few different elements to the 2002 original tale, focussing more on the mystery of Peter’s parents; swapping the Green Goblin for the lizard, Dr Curt Connors transforming himself as a side-effect of trying to re-grow his missing arm; and reinstating some elements of the comics that the first film was less truthful too, such as establishing Gwen Stacy as his first love and having his web generators manufactured rather than biological.

‘The Amazing Spider-man’ is an enjoyable film. Though not much is gained from watching it in 3D aside from a few key moments, one of which is in the trailer, (much of the 3D is just for added depth and there is a missed opportunity in a piece of webbing fired at the screen which stops before it makes true impact into the third dimension), it is a well shot film and mixes light and shade well.

It’s inevitable that comparisons are going to be made with the 2002 version and it’s proving difficult for me to mention sections without referencing back, but I’ll come to that shortly. Andrew Garfield plays a fun Peter Parker who is more of a loner and more autistic in his performance than Maguire but gets across the geeky nature well, and comes across as much more intelligent than his predecessor. Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy plays his love interest well but lacks the overt sexiness of Kirsten Dunst but plays the awkward, geeky teen much better away from Mary-Jane’s popularity. Though the chemistry between them at first doesn’t particularly work, by the end of the film, via the well-constructed roof-top first kiss, you feel for them as a couple and though the last scene shared between them isn’t as heart-wrenching as the graveyard scene in the original the emotion is there and it’s hard not to feel upset at the situation and it does tug at the old heart strings.

Graphically the film excels. Reports of the CGI of the lizard being sub-par are misrepresentative with the monster looking realistic even when lip-synched to Rhys Ifans’ voice. OK, it does look like a cousin of the Goombas from the ill-received Mario Bros movie, but it’s actually well created and the physical make-up on the human Dr Connors blends in well. The CGI throughout the film is well made and nothing looks fake or composited in and it’s difficult to tell where the real-world effects and computer trickery meet, so that is a definite credit to the film-makers.

One area that the film does let itself down is in the scoring. Lacking the atmospheric and drama-building score that Danny Elfman brought to the 2002 film, in particular the opening and closing themes, there was nothing that really stood out. The short to-the-point opening credits mimicked the originals but were a mere fraction of the running time and this felt like a missed opportunity.

The storyline of the film, though, was one element that worked for the film. The mystery of Parker’s parents, unresolved in the film and leading onto the inevitable secret, added a new element to the story which helped shift the balance from the mostly unavoidable feel of ticking the boxes that the film had to do to set up the story, knowing a lot of people are familiar with the origin thanks to the film in people’s memories – goes to live with his aunt and uncle. Check. Gets bitten by spider. Check. Uncle Ben dies. Check – but it does at least vary the circumstances in some areas to make it refreshingly different. However, it does try to balance between shortening the origin compared to the 2002 film but avoiding the quick recap that worked so effectively in the second Hulk film, though I’m not entirely sure it worked.

One area the film does improve on is the humour. An early scene set on a subway train, a discussion about meat loaf and Stan Lee’s cameo are three very funny scenes and laughs are scattered throughout the film to counteract the darker tones of this movie, but not on the level of ‘The Dark Knight’ for instance. There are a few misfires including a daft scene with a fly but for every one of those there is one like the turning off of an alarm and the recurring joke of Peter underestimating his own strength.

I think if this was the first celluloid appearance of Spider-man it would be an excellent film. The origin story is told well and leaves enough threads dangling for the sequel. Garfield and Stone bring their characters to life and their awkward teenage romance works well, even if Gwen Stacy does seem to come across as not the sort of person who would be short of romantic history. Garfield’s Parker comes across as intelligent but also a little autistic in his performance, which I’m not sure captures the comic character fully, but there are plenty of wisecracks and he embodies the character well and there are some well-scripted and well-acted moments that will make you smile and laugh. Graphically the film stands up with its CGI and atmospheric shots but the soundtrack is not worthy of the amazing in the film title. The first third of the film could certainly have done with some more pepping up but overall an enjoyable film.

However, and this is where I’m sure people will disagree, it’s not as good in my opinion as the first film. I feel Tobey Maguire portrayed Peter Parker better and the death of Uncle Ben and its repercussions through the characters was handled with much more emotion and impact in the 2002 film. The Green Goblin was a more threatening and interesting villain and the relationship between Peter and Mary-Jane was much slower and more building over the first two films of the original trilogy than the speeded up, rushed relationship we get in this film. With some greater set pieces and having the benefit of being fresh to the eyes of the cinema viewing public, the earlier take on the story trumps this one. Also, though the originals were hardly innocent when it came to Parker removing his mask, in this film Andrew Garfield might as well have posted ‘I am Spider-man’ on his Facebook post as he reveals his true identity to Gwen Stacey on their first date and then to her father not long after, removing his mask more in this film than the character did in the whole of the original trilogy.

Though not handling the emotive storylines and the relationship between the characters as well as the first take ten years ago, there is much to enjoy in the film and I would say, overall, it’s been a successful reboot. Hampered as they are with trying to re-tell the story viewers will have seen only a decade earlier they managed to do a few different things with it, injecting some great humour into Parker’s transformation into spider-man and hitting the right level of awkward with his relationship with Gwen Stacy. Throw in a decent villain for a first film, who in the spirit of the originals turned out not to be a complete baddie as first thought, and some effective CGI and it’s a great summer film, just not as great as the first attempt in 2002. It had a hard act to follow and though not quite reaching the level is not a let-down it’s not quite ‘The Amazing Spider-man’ but far from the average one other reviewers are suggesting.

It does though leave several plot threads dangling such as the mystery of what happened to Peter’s parents and the revenge of Uncle Ben’s murderer, and the identity of the mysterious visitor to Dr Connors’ cell. Though I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Norman Osborn’s face was obscured in an early photograph appearance in the film…

(7/10)

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